Hockey

Canadian Media’s Fascination With Crowd Pictures – If you’re on Twitter or Insta, next time a Canadian team plays in Sunrise check out how long it takes before their beat writer posts a picture of the arena not full. It’s like a duty or a reflex for them. Yes, the Panthers have attendance problems. They’ve also not won a playoff series in over 20 years, have only been to them twice in the interim, play in the middle of nowhere, and Miami is just a slightly more entertaining place to be with more to offer than fucking Ottawa. We get it. You don’t think South Florida deserves a team. Well, they’ve got one, and they don’t appear to be leaving anytime soon. A move back to downtown Miami would probably solve a lot of their problems, but we’ll see if that’s on the cards. What’s the attendance in Ottawa like these days? What’s it going to be when Winnipeg bottoms out? We’ll hang up and listen for our answer.

Brian Boyle – This tall doofus will never suffer for work because people think being tall and winning faceoffs are the last keys to victory for a team. Remember when he was going to be the final piece for the Preds last year? Or the windburn he got from the Hawks in ’15? We bet Quenneville loves him, though.

Mike Kitchen – Boy, this guy knows where his bread is buttered, huh? Clearly a moron who can only get work as Q’s cabana boy. Wonder how long it’ll take the players in Florida to start requesting his firing in postseason exit interviews. Took him two years here, though he was able to hang on to a job for five more years because of Q.

Everything Else

We have our first shot fired in what will apparently be Hawks-acalypse ’17. Today Mike Kitchen was fired as assistant coach, and it’s kind of amazing he was still around to be fired. But we’ll get to that. There are a lot of angles that would be a ton of fun to speculate on from this and could turn out to be utter horseshit. But we’re going to do it anyway because…FUN!

First off, I’m dying to know whose decision this actually was. There’s almost no way it was Quenneville’s, because Kitchen has been an extension of Q his entire career. It’s hard to believe that Kitchen could have been doing anything that drastically different this year than he ever has, and even Q would have to recognize the historic and epic failure of the penalty kill in the season’s first month was A. a perfect storm of events and B. really had no bearing on their playoff ouster.

So did Stan Bowman fire Kitchen himself? Or did he make Q do it? How much of a fight did that cause? Oh god just hook it to my veins!

Everything Else

And no, that’s to referring to cashing out the last of the bowl on a trip to Vail while Tyler and The Bros aren’t paying attention.

Late last night Mike Chambers of the Denver Post reported that Blackhawks assistant coach Kevin Dineen interviewed with Joe Sakic and Avs brass for upwards of three-and-a-half hours, and is a finalist for the job vacated by intractable asswipe Patrick Roy along with Bob Boughner. And potentially losing Dineen behind the Hawks’ bench would be decidedly bad for the organ-I-zation on a lot of fronts.