Faxes from Uncle Dale

Recent Posts

  • We Like To Watch – June 1st: You Go Your Way And I’ll Go Mine (Sharks at Penguins Game 2 Preview)

    shark vs. Ron-Cey

    PUCK DROP: Just after 7pm Central

    TV: NBCSN

    THOSE HYPERVENTILATING: Pensblog, Pensburgh, Battle of Cali, Canafornians

    Figure with only the one game we can give it the usual preview treatment.

    You may recall a few years ago, when people still scoffed at the idea of puck possession and Corsi and all that and that having the puck was a good thing (hey that’s today too!), there were some out there who claimed, usually from Toronto, that they were opportunistic. That they played counter-attacking and hence would purposely give up the puck to then spring out faster when it was turned over.

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  • We Like To Watch – May 31st – Jeremy Jacobs’ Nightmare

    We Like To Watch – May 31st – Jeremy Jacobs’ Nightmare

    The “Fuck Boston” aspect of this series really isn’t getting enough play. While most are quick to rightfully piss all over Steve Simmons and his vendetta against Phil “Nice Guy, Tries Hard” Kessel, the fact that this is even a storyline along with Joe Thornton is because of the Bruins’ utter ineptitude in the front office. The entire organization perpetuates the city’s self-inflated image of being blue collar white guys getting by on minimal skill. It’s why Joe Haggerty has a dog named Looch and still has a priapism as a result of Shawn Thortnon’s leadership.

    The first round picks this team has traded away is almost as staggering as the horseshit return they’ve received for them. Joe Thornton for Marco Sturm and Wayne Primeau. Kessel for picks. Blake Wheeler for Boris Valabik and Rich Peverley (sky point). Tyler Seguin (who was a pick in the Kessel trade) for a useful-but-who-gives-a-shit Loui Eriksson, and Dougie Hamilton (also a pick from the Kessel deal) for basically nothing. The pedigree they have shipped elsewhere because of some mythical and elusive notion of grit and leadership is truly amazing, added to the retrograde thinking at the highest levels of the team that have spearheaded three work stoppages. That they won a Cup in this era with this unbelievably bad asset management will go down as just as big of a “what the fuck?” cup winner as the Hurricanes once history gives proper perspective.

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  • Fireside Chat: Stanley Cup Final Edition; We Like to Watch

    Fireside Chat: Stanley Cup Final Edition; We Like to Watch

    Finally, we’ve made it to the final round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Whether your favorite team is still in it or not, the playoffs always seem to last eons. Part of it is because you’re literally taking years off your life if you’re emotionally invested and part of it is because three months is a long time.

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  • Remembering The ’15-’16 St. Louis Blues

    Once again, we were asked to eulogize the St. Louis Blues upon their exit from the playoffs for Yahoo!’s Puck Daddy Blog. 

    “Slayed the dragon!”

    That’s a phrase we’ve gotten used to around these parts. Upon this day when we come to mourn/kick dirt/wildly celebrate yet another Blues playoff exit before anything a banner would be raised for, It’s time to consider that. We heard it five years ago, when another continually good-but-not-good-enough team hellbent on measuring its manhood every shift beat a deeply flawed Hawks team, took the most amount of time to do it, and celebrated as if it was discovered drinking beer gives you superpowers. A team with Cup aspirations screaming out its lungs needing every bounce and break to beat a third-placed team. It was Vancouver then. It’s St. Louis now. That’s some company you keep, Blues.

    The Blues told us that triumph in the 1st round signalled that everything was different. This win proved that they’d learned their lesson. No longer was this a disgusting organization run by calculating, ham-handed, born-on-third executives with a section of their fandom doing their best to prove that evolution does not actually exist and become the scorn of the rest of the hockey world.

    Oh wait, we’re supposed to be talking about the Blues and not the Hawks. Sorry, back to that.

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  • Farewell Jon Cooper

    Farewell Jon Cooper

    While not a proper eulogy per se, over the past year, we’ve become intimately acquainted with the odd public speaking demeanor of Tampa Bay coach Jon Cooper, who comes across as an oily, depraved step-dad, complete with juris doctor in hand. Over that time, speculating on Jon Cooper’s extracurricular proclivities has become a running joke in these editorial offices that has simply been begging for an IPO. So in honor of Tampa’s ouster, we’re burying this on a holiday weekend Friday afternoon.

    And as fair warning, things are going to get incredibly weird after the jump.

    Please note, these #CooperFacts are parody and not actually true (that we are aware of), and that this reflects more on us than anything else. 

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  • We Like To Watch – May 26th: #ThisTimeWillBeDifferent

    We Like To Watch – May 26th: #ThisTimeWillBeDifferent

    Sharks beat Blues in Game 6

    It is for one team. Was it really for the other?

    I suppose a trip to the conference final is different for the Blues. Winning it certainly is for the Sharks. But all the noise and concerted effort to make it clear that this was a different Blues team than before makes me wonder who were they really trying to convince? It took the Blues seven games to beat a team that basically didn’t have a blue line in the first round. It took them seven games to beat a team that certainly didn’t have a goalie in the second round. And winning is obviously better than losing to those horrifically flawed teams, and that’s what we all thought the Blues would do, but how much of a triumph these things really were is debatable.

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  • We Like To Watch – May 25th: It’s The Goalies, Stupid

    We Like To Watch – May 25th: It’s The Goalies, Stupid

    Penguins-Lightning Game 6

    Sometimes this hockey thing is silly and simple. Now that this series is going to a seventh game the story out of it will be how evenly it’s been played and how it could have gone either way. And on the surface, that’s true. This series could well be decided tomorrow night on a high-sticking call or another offside review or some goal that goes in off Tyler Johnson’s ass (again). By definition these are all coin-flips.

    But in reality, the Penguins have spent a great majority of this series kicking the ever-loving shit out of the Lightning, but Andrei Vasilevskiy has simply held them in.

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  • We Like To Watch – May 24th – The Sound of Inevitability

    We Like To Watch – May 24th – The Sound of Inevitability

    It took a month longer than it usually does, but the Blues are rapidly approaching the event horizon of the platonic ideal of Bluesness.

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  • We Like To Watch – May 23rd – What Makes You Think You’re The One?

    We Like To Watch – May 23rd – What Makes You Think You’re The One?

    So the Penguins blew an early two goal lead (again), and a late one goal lead at home to lose on an ass-goal a minute into overtime. Clearly it was the distinct lack of Trevor Daley in the lineup that caused this outcome.

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  • Friday Foofaraw: What Did Feather Spend $4900 On?

    Friday Foofaraw: What Did Feather Spend $4900 On?

    As we do with Fridays in the summer, we eschew normal hockey silliness for just general silliness. This morning we awoke to a tweet that Fifth Feather had somehow accrued a $4900 on his credit card either after or during being out with the rest of the CI crew. So it got me to thinking, what could Feather have spent all that money on?

    1. David Bowie’s shoes from 1980.
    2. Signed Everett Sanipass jersey.
    3. Plane tickets and supplies to camp outside Andrew Cogliano’s house.
    4. Krist Noveselic’s….you know what? 5 grand probably just gets you Krist Novoselic these days.
    5. Every known copy of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World to erase it from the annals of time.
    6. Starting a “Save HockeeNight” campaign.
    7. Fels’s bartab.
    8. Killion’s car (a massive overpayment).
    9. Pre-IPO investment in Uber
    10. Floating Craig Button some cash to cover his ass
    11. Rights to SB Nation’s commenting system so that it can be used here
    12. RiotFest lifetime VIP passes
    13. Season Tickets to the Toledo Walleye to follow every game of Tyler Motte’s career
    14. A charitable donation to the National Hellenic Museum where his family has its own wing
    15. Jerseys for his 78 beer league teams, all of whom will now wear the Flames’ throwback template.