Faxes from Uncle Dale

Tag: Zach Parise

  • Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 NHL Team Previews: A Division-Less Boudreau Is No Boudreau At All

    Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 NHL Team Previews: A Division-Less Boudreau Is No Boudreau At All

    The Wild suck so hard that they’re the only team Bruce Boudreau hasn’t coached to a division title when he’s had a full season behind the bench. And really, if you don’t get that basically meaningless bauble out of our favorite Haagen-Dazs slathered bocce ball, then what’s the point at all? You’re still going to get a coach with both hands around his own throat in the playoffs but not to get to raise a silly banner aloft. Well, the Wild probably aren’t going to win the division this year, and they’re probably not going to get out of it in the playoffs. It’s almost if Brucey is now just in an abyss of meaninglessness. Which is how most people feel about the state of Minnesota.

    Minnesota Wild

    ’16-’17 Record: 49-25-8  106 points (2nd in Central, out in 1st round to STL)

    Team Stats 5v5: 49.3 CF% (20th)  50.5 SF% (14th)  52.6 SCF% (3rd)  9.2 SH% (1st)  .925 SV% (11th)

    Special Teams: 20.9 PP% (9th) 82.9 PK% (8th)

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  • Trying To Find A Balance – Wild vs. Hawks Preview, Daylight Savings Spring Ahead

     vs 

    Game Time: 11:30AM CDT
    TV/Radio: NBC, TVA-S, WGN-AM 720
    Makes No Sense At All: Hockey Wilderness

    Late season, weekend matinee games suck out loud regardless of the two teams involved. The thought process behind having them is clear, with both college and pro football shuttered for their respective seasons, and baseball yet to move north from Arizona and Florida, there is a void that can be filled by the Winter Tenants for viewership when there’s really only Law & Order: SVU reruns on elsewhere. But the vast majority of hockey games are played at night, and professional hockey players, like all athletes, enjoy their ya-ha time after a game and generally keep later hours. There is always at least a 24 hour break going into them so it’s not totally cutting into physical recuperation the way Thursday Night Football does, but circadian rhythms are still fucked with, and now past the deadline there are many teams who are just playing out the string. Couple that with the overall quality of the league due to a flat salary cap, and it’s left an absolute dogshit product on the ice on par with Thursday Night Football by any absolute or relative measure. And on top of that Daylight Savings just kicked in, so now two teams who at least on paper who are still jockeying for the top spot in the Central and the West, are effectively facing off at 10:30AM local time, all for the sake of courting viewers that the NHL is never going to grab. Nice work everyone.

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  • Sweet Georgia Breezes – Safe, Cool, And Warm: Hawks at Wild Preview/Tailgate

    Hawk Wrestler vs. Zakk-Wylde-by-Ivan-Chopik

    PUCK DROP: 2:30pm Central 

    TV/RADIO: NBC, WGN Radio

    GOPHER, EVERETT?: Hockey Wilderness

    While it isn’t the last spike, however minuscule, on the EKG of the NHL season, today’s Stadium Series game is certainly the only “event” left on the Hawks’ schedule before the games really count. Matchups with Dallas and St. Louis will still matter a little more considering the standings (though Dallas’s goaltending will see what they can do about that), and next Sunday’s game against Washington will probably be more hyped. But those don’t take place outdoors, and today’s does. So at least it’s unique.

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  • Stuck In The Middle – Wild vs Hawks Preview, Tree Lighting

    wildthings vs evil empire

    Game Time: 7:00PM Central
    TV/Radio: CSN, NBCSN (National), WGN-AM 720
    Labour Issues In The Toy Department: Hockey Wilderness

    As the broadcast will assuredly punish the listening audience with 7 million reminders of by puck drop, the first game back at home after a road trip is always a TRAP GAME. And it’s even moreso of one by some moronic logic because the Wild have lost 6 of 7 coming into tonight. Or it could just be that they’re just perpetually mediocre.

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  • You Can’t Imagine How Much Fun We’re Having – Hawks at Wild Preview, Mail Merge

    evil empire at wildthings

    Game Time: 7:00PM Central
    TV/Radio: CSN, WGN-AM 720
    Commit This To Memory: Hockey Wilderness

    Before beginning the preview in earnest, first a public service announcement for Halloween weekend.

    Under no circumstance is going out in black face acceptable. Yes, it’s 2015 and it’s fucking preposterous that these statements have to be made, but such is the state of affairs. And it’s a particularly gross trend among hockey players. It is your responsibility as a human being to tell anyone even thinking of doing this that it’s a bad, at best colossally ignorant idea. Do not be like these assholes.

    hawksblackface

    raffi torres

    tyler bozak

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  • Morning Links 8.6.2015

    Morning Links 8.6.2015

    Anytime is a good time to leave OSU:ESPN

    Return of the giant:NHL

    Its gonna be cold:MST

    I’m sure these will be gone in 2 minutes:CBS

    This is Phase 2:TSN

    Because its awesome:Sportsnet

  • Kick Your Door Down – Game 4 – Hawks at Wild Preview, Pregame Thread, Asphalt Resealing

    oldschool vs wildthings

    Game Time: 8:30PM Central
    TV/Radio: NBCSN, SportsNet (Anglo), TVA2 (Franco), WGN-AM 720
    Blood Makes The Blade Holy: Hockey Wilderness

    Mark it 2-9 in road Game 3’s now. On Tuesday night the Hawks won their first road game three since 2010 in the second round against Vancouver, and even in that series it was to take a 2-1 series lead. And now for the first time in the Renaissance Era the Hawks have the opportunity to end a series unblemished on opposition ice.

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  • Here Comes A Regular – Game 3 – Hawks at Wild Preview, Pregame Thread, Paradigm Shift

    oldschool at wildthings

    Game Time: 7:00PM Central
    TV/Radio: NBCSN, CBC (Anglo), TVA (Franco), WGN-AM 720
    Raspberry Beret: Hockey Wilderness

    With the series now shifting back to the Twin Cities for games 3 and 4, the expectation is that the momentum will naturally shift back to the Wild, given the Hawks’ abysmal record in game 3’s on the road under Joel Quenneville. The only victory in 10 tries has been Game 3 in 2010 in Vancouver, but that doesn’t mean that anything is a foregone conclusion tonight.

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  • Seen Your Video – Game 1 – Wild vs Hawks Preview, Pregame Thread, SVU Marathon

    wildthings vs oldschool

    Game Time: 8:30PM Central
    TV/Radio: NBCSN, SportsNet (Anglo), TVA3 (Franco), WGN-AM 720
    Mall of America: Hockey Wilderness

    And so it was fated to be, for the third year in a row, and the second in the West semifinals, that the Hawks and Wild would meet. And for the first time out of those three, there is a feeling across the hockey community that the Wild will be more than just a foil or a speedbump for the Hawks.

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  • Pour Me Another – Round 2 vs. Minnesota Preview: Lining It All Up

    Pour Me Another – Round 2 vs. Minnesota Preview: Lining It All Up

    Time to clean up the rest of this preview, with a brief glance at the special teams and then try and guess how it’s all going to go.

    On the power play, the Wild have for years been terrible. That changed in the first round, and you can mostly pin that on the presence of Matt Dumba. The Wild went 4-for-12 in the series against St. Louis, which isn’t a lot of chances in a six-game series but certainly is enough power play goals. Dumba had one, and set up one or two more with the cannon he has from the point. It gives them a second point-man with a big shot, with the other being Jason Pominville, who they don’t always use on the point. With Neiderreiter, Vanek, Parise, and Koivu all bodies that can make plays around the net, and the problems the Hawks had with the Predators down low on the power play, this could become an issue.

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