Faxes from Uncle Dale

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  • Wings Spotlight: THE STREAK (Extreme Wanking Motion)

    Wings Spotlight: THE STREAK (Extreme Wanking Motion)

    It’s gonna die. All things do, but we’ve waited for this one for a long time now. It should have died a while ago. It should have died in 2013, but Columbus spit up all over themselves. It was so close. And then Bruce Boudreau had to go and give it credence by then spitting up all over himself in a Game 7 at home, the first time he’d done it with the Ducks but the fourth time overall after departing DC. It shouldn’t have had to come to that.

    And then they fucked off to the Eastern Conference, after Quenneville woke up just in time in 2013 to save us from the ultimate embarrassment. Had they stayed in the West beyond the lockout year, this streak would have died ages ago. Oh sure, they stretched the Lightning to seven games by some miracle once, and have gotten clocked twice more. They’ve never been a threat. And now that the East has finally usurped the West as the power conference, even though they play in the far worse half of it, they’re going to miss out. It’s finally over.

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  • Why Do Guys Like You And Me Know What A Bernier Is?: Ducks 1 – Hawks 0

    Why Do Guys Like You And Me Know What A Bernier Is?: Ducks 1 – Hawks 0

    Box Score

    Natural Stat Trick

    Well that’s a funny looking strike.

    These are the games that really annoy fans like you and us, and not because the Hawks got goalie’d by the Ducks backup. That happens. It’s hockey. This is why it should have been Andy Warhol’s favorite sport, because any jamoke in the gear can have his night. Bernier’s actually been really good the past few appearances, so whatever.

    No, what’s annoying is you’ll see a bunch of utterances and belches from players and coaches about how they didn’t get traffic, or didn’t get the greasy goal, or their shot selection is off, because no one can ever admit the guy in the other crease was just better than everyone else. There was nothing wrong about what the Hawks did tonight. They had traffic. They had chances. Another night, they go in. This was not another night. Move on.

    Anyway, guess we’d better clean it up.

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  • Voices Scream, Nothing’s Seen: Ducks at Hawks Preview/Spice Garden Class

     vs. 

    RECORDS: Ducks 34-22-10   Hawks 42-18-5

    PUCK DROP: 7:30 pm Central

    TV: CSN

    GOT A RIDE AND A REASON TO IGNORE YOU: Anaheim Calling, Also Jen Neale of Puck Daddy tweets about the Ducks a lot @MsJenNeale_PD but she’s a gross girl who eats her own boogers and possibly worms so don’t talk to her

    Probable Lineups

    ADJUSTED TEAM CORSI %: Ducks – 50.2 (18th)  Hawks – 51.2 (9th)

    ADJUSTED TEAM xGF%: Ducks – 52.2 (7th)  Hawks – 49.1 (18th)

    POWER PLAY %: Ducks – 19.0 (16th)  Hawks – 19.4 (15th)

    PENALTY KILL %: Ducks – 84.8 (6th)  Hawks – 76.9 (27th)

    It came a little later than usual, thanks to injuries, but the Hawks are going to have their usual “New Toy Night” tonight after the trade deadline, as Johnny Oduya will bring that life-affirming beard back out onto the UC ice tonight, opposite his muse of yore (if two seasons ago can be considered “yore.” I’m not too clear on what the qualifications on “yore” are) Niklas Hjalmarsson who will also return from tonight.

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  • Ducks Spotlight: Not Great, Bob

    Ducks Spotlight: Not Great, Bob

    If you’ve followed this site and/or read the program we used to do back when I wasn’t completely dead inside, you know exactly how I feel about the Anaheim Ducks. While the conjecture of recent years has been to move/fold the Coyotes or Panthers or Hurricanes, I would offer up Anaheim as simply the worst hockey market imaginable and not only would I fold the Ducks but I would then implode the Honda Center, then light the remains on fire, then light the ashes on fire, and then essentially neuralize every hockey fan everywhere so we could forget they ever existed. This is one of the dumber fanbases in one of the more terrible places in the country, despite the “happiness” contained just down the street from the Ponda Center, and quite frankly their one Stanley Cup should be erased from the record. A Cup that essentially convinced far too many hockey fans, and basically everyone in the O.C., that the Ducks won the Cup because they fought a lot and turned Brian Burke into a goddamn folk hero which we’re still fucking plagued with. Luckily, one result of that was the Leafs spinning their tires for a good few more years when they bought into that bullshit, so silver linings are always there if you look hard enough. Still, really all Burke did for that champion Ducks team was have the ingenious idea of acquiring two of the greatest d-men of all time in Neidermayer and Pronger. How brilliant.

    And why yes, I was in the building in 2007 when Teemu Selanne scored a hat trick against the Hawks, which in no way will be the central point of my note when you find me hanging from a ceiling beam down the road sometime. Also, while we’re on the subject, if a player had the same production curve at the same age as Selanne in baseball, wouldn’t we be all chanting, “H-G-H!” at him? Just a question. But I guess when you’re white and good with the media we don’t do that type of thing, huh?

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  • Video Shows Artemi Panarin Making Racist Remarks In 2012 (Updated)

     

    Because the internet never, EVER forgets, a Russian language video of Artemi Panarin from 2012 has resurfaced showing him making racist comments on film.

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  • High On The Hog: Depleted

    High On The Hog: Depleted

    To say the Rockford IceHogs have been depleted by the deadline deals of their parent club would be a massive understatement.

    Hey, that’s the way it goes when you are an affiliate. As the AHL season approaches the final weeks, the fact remains that the Hogs are going to be suffering from a definite lack of manpower.

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  • In the Pines, Where the Sun Don’t Ever Shine – Blackhawks 5, Predators 3

    In the Pines, Where the Sun Don’t Ever Shine – Blackhawks 5, Predators 3

    Box Score

    Natural Stat Trick

    HockeyStats.ca

    When the names that matter get on the scoresheet for the Hawks, it’s a time-tested recipe for success. Not pictured…Italian chef kissing fingers.

    On the second of a back-to-back against an opponent looking to get the bad taste of a last second loss out of their mouths, the Hawks faced a Predators team that was as desperate as a team in early March could be. The Predators did what they normally do. Scratch, claw and annoy the piss out of their opponent until they achieve their desired result.

    Tonight was no different as the Predators rallied from a 2-0 and 3-1 deficit to tie the game in the third period. And just like they did on Thursday against Montreal, the Predators allowed a tie-breaking goal in the final minute of regulation.

    You saw the game. Here are the other things you may not have noticed.

    –Jordin Tootoo probably won’t play a better game in the Indian head ever again. Tootoo created offensive chances in almost every shift he had tonight and scored his first point, a goal. On Tootoo’s goal, it was his pass that set up the opportunity for his goal.

    As the puck rang around the boards, Tootoo drew two defenders to him. To their credit, they didn’t think Tootoo could do anything other than eat the puck along the wall and hope for a teammate to come in and support him. Instead, Tootoo whipped around to his forehand and made a blind cross-ice pass to Duncan Keith.

    Keith drew the defender towards him and chipped the puck to a wide open Brent Seabrook. This led to Tootoo’s goal as both defenders that were going after Tootoo then dove to block Seabrook’s shot.

    None of that happens without Tootoo’s pass and it was quite exceptional.

    –One thing to keep in mind if this is the first round matchup, Brent Seabrook and Duncan Keith probably won’t be matched up against Swedish bowling ball Viktor Arvidsson and Filip Forsberg. That draw will go to Oduya and Hjalmarsson, at least at first. So while it is less than ideal that Keith and Seabrook were on the ice for all three goals against, the playoffs will see a different matchup.

    Also, it’s worth noting that this was the second of a back-to-back and Seabrook is probably at the stage of his career where they can be a little tougher than they were earlier in his career.

    –Michal Kempny played 12 minutes but it felt like more. Kempny’s play has started to come around to the point where I’m not holding my breath on the next unlucky mistake that will find him stapled to the bench.

    In the second period, he made a very subtle play that opened up a skating lane that didn’t exist. He corralled the puck in his own end and turned to skate up the ice. The lane he wanted to go down initially was closed, though, so he circled back with a very nifty move and this opened up a new lane. Within two or three strides, Kempny was streaking down the left wing and fed Marian Hossa which led to a quality scoring chance.

    Something out of nothing.

    –It’s always important when the Hawks add new wrinkles to their power play as this allows for the Panarin one-timer to be available more frequently. Tonight, a rotation found Kane on the left wing with the puck. To his credit, Kane took the opportunity to fire the puck towards the net and found the back of it. In the future, this will hopefully force teams to not just worry about defending the one-timer.

    –Nashville’s third goal was a heckuva shot by Arvidsson. We’ve seen enough of Corey Crawford to know that it didn’t sit well with him. Crawford, as he is wont to do, locked it down after that and made several key saves as the Predators continued their assault at his net. Crawford was there every time and it allowed Toews and Campbell to connect for their heroics.

    –I’m still not sure the Predators could’ve defended Campbell’s goal any better. Toews just has that way of finding passing lanes at the end of a game where it looks like there aren’t any. Maybe one of the Predators could’ve been quicker to pressure Toews instead of both backing off. Regardless, I’m not sure it would’ve made much of a difference.

    –The Hawks sit in first place again by one point with three games at hand over Minnesota. That will probably not stand by their next game. They also will have a few days off to get Schmaltz, Oduya and Hjalmarsson healthy. The next time they take the ice, they’re going to slightly different. Until then.

  • The Sound Of My Ceiling Fan – Hawks at Predators Preview, Secret Menu Order

     at 

    Game Time: 7:00PM CST
    TV/Radio: CSN, WGN-AM 720
    Get The Red Out: On The Forecheck

    In what is looking more and more to be the case as games tick off the schedule, this will be the last meeting between the Hawks and Predators until Game 1 of the Western Conference Playoffs. And with both teams apparently locked into their respective positions within the division, tonight in Nashville and here on out remain about getting healthy and tightening up play more than about results.

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  • Quarantined on the Isle of Man – Blackhawks 1, Islanders 1 (Blackhawks win Boggle 2-1)

    Quarantined on the Isle of Man – Blackhawks 1, Islanders 1 (Blackhawks win Boggle 2-1)

    Box Score

    Natural Stat Trick

    HockeyStats.ca

    The fun continues.

    Although for the first 40 minutes of play, few would constitute what they witnessed as fun. With the Islanders coming off a game last night and newly anointed Doug Weight still commanding respect from the locker room, the Islanders were more than happy to stack three guys across the blue line. The Hawks, missing two of their top 6 in Anisimov and Nick Schmaltz, struggled with generating any pressure off the rush because of this as well as getting shots through the pile of bodies Brooklyn was stacking in front of Thomas Greiss.

    The result was a 1-0 deficit for the Hawks heading into the third.

    In other times, we’ve seen the Hawks sort of sleepwalk through games like these. This, however, is a time where the Hawks are quite engaged. And as the Islanders held on for dear life, the Hawks threw everything they could at Greiss in the third. Greiss was up to the challenge every time with stellar saves on Marian Hossa, Ryan Hartman and Artemi Panarin among others. It wasn’t until a timeout and a set face-off play from drawn up by Kevin Dineen that the Hawks finally solved him.

    One point was drawn and a thrilling, but scoreless overtime later, it came down to a skills competition.

    Other things…

    –The Islanders run one crazy penalty-kill system. All four of their killers are constantly moving forward and they send one kamikaze forward to disrupt any passes at the top of the blue line.  You may recall in the first meeting between these two teams, the Hawks were able to pick apart the aggressive Islander penalty killers leading to multiple easy tap-ins. Tonight, the Islanders were just as aggressive and hectic. The difference was the Hawks weren’t able to exploit their eagerness.

    Prior to Brock Nelson’s short-handed tally, the Islanders appeared to have several chances to jump up and create an odd man rush while penalty killing. Instead they chose to ice the puck. But when Brian Campbell made an ill-advised pinch and the Islanders penalty about to expire, they certainly didn’t hesitate to pounce. With one pass, the Islanders were off and running on a 2-on-1.

    –Someday when Kevin Dineen is a head coach again, we will reminisce about games like this. Assistant coaches are basically guys and it’s hard to determine what kind of impact they have but this is one game where having an assistant like Dineen is invaluable. As the Hawks huddled during their timeout, you could see Dineen with the whiteboard drawing up a play.

    When Jonathan Toews won the ensuing face-off cleanly, we all got to see what the play they were discussing was.

    Brent Seabrook and Duncan Keith spread out the Islanders defense with long cross-ice passes with Keith as the trigger-man. Panarin snuck into his typical one-timer position but a little higher than normal as he was well above the face-off circle.

    If I had to guess, Keith probably had three options. He could make the pass to Panarin, he could take a shot or he could use Kane as an outlet in the corner; all depending on how the Islanders defended him. Or maybe the idea was always to give the puck to Panarin.

    Either way, the Islanders left Panarin way too much room and he made them pay.

    Kevin Dineen could’ve drawn up a play that would’ve made Vince Lombardi burst out of his coffin and kiss him on the mouth; it still comes down to the players executing. However, there are very intricate subtleties in what Dineen does that make a big difference. In this case, it was having Panarin slide up a little higher than normal. We’ve seen countless examples of these sorts of things in his almost three years here.

    He should be a head coach again soon.

    –As Matt mentioned in the preview, John Tavares might be the most under appreciated player in the league. That was more than evident tonight as Tavares was a one-man wrecking crew. The puck seems to be glued to his stick when he has control. He very easily could’ve ended the game in overtime when slid through two Hawks and then fired off a shot from 25 feet out. Corey Crawford was there.

    –Josh Ho-Sang wearing his helmet like Niklas Hjalmarsson circa 2008 should be far more offensive to people than whatever number he chooses to wear.

    –Another two points and the Predators wait in Nashville tomorrow. They lost a heartbreaker in Montreal on Thursday in PK Subban’s return. It won’t be easy but it will be fun. Until then.

  • Cosmopolitan Bloodloss – Islanders vs Hawks Preview, Passport Renewal

     vs 

    Game Time: 7:30PM CST
    TV/Radio: WGN Ch. 9, WGN-AM 720
    You, In Weird Cities: Lighthouse Hockey

    There are Long Island residents in town tonight on somewhat of a roll recently, and it’s not Jeff Rosenstock playing the Metro tonight, although anyone interested in the robust LI hardcore and post-hardcore scene would do well to go to the show rather than watch the game, or at the very least pick up Rosenstock’s excellent record Worry. which topped about a zillion best-of lists in 2016. But that digression aside, the Islanders are at the UC tonight in desperate need of points after a comeback win last night in Dallas.

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