Everything Else

Friday Foofaraw – A SummerSlam Thinkpiece: The Ballad Of Seth And Roman

By Sam Fels 2091 0

As most you know, on Fridays during the summer I basically go freeform to keep myself, and hopefully at least some of you, entertained. As you surely know now, I’m a wrestling dork and have taken a few with me. I will be in Brooklyn this weekend for both the NXT and WWE shows, and figured it was time to try my had at writing about it for the first time. Most of you won’t care, and that’s cool. But those who do I hope you like it. 

At the top, I think it’s important to cite Joe Soriano’s wonderful “Roman Reigns Isn’t Relatable Because He’s Never Emotionally Vulnerable” piece from DailyDDT.com as inspiration for this. But it got me to thinking about how someone from the same starting point as Roman, one Seth Rollins from The Shield, could accomplish so much more in the hearts and minds of fans than Roman has. And when you have the emotional shortcomings and successes so beautifully illustrated, it becomes so much clearer.

As stated, Roman and Seth started from the same place on the main roster, as two-thirds of the all-conquering with a win-an-election-anywhere-including-Antartica popularity, The Shield. And in The Shield, Roman’s limited, swaggering ass-kicker of the gods act works because it’s only telling a part of the story, and Seth and Dean Ambrose could fill in the rest. Roman barely had to talk (clearly when he’s best), only had to wrestle half the time he does now (if that) and was only responsible for a portion of the story. Namely when he’d get a hot tag and end everyone’s world.

Seth’s separation/heel-turn from The Shield already begins to tell a more layered story than they’ve ever had Roman tell. There is a vulnerability of course in every heel, something they have to shroud in being a chicken-shit cheater or menacing ass-beater coloring outside the lines or one soaking up every advantage provided by the powers that be. They have to take it to excess to hide a weakness. Seth’s desire to be at the top of the card and his feeling he couldn’t get there with his friends lead him to the ultimate betrayal and aligning with the powers that could get him where he thought he couldn’t get on his own. It was a selling out of his values, which is a shortcoming/vulnerability in itself. Underlying the act is a show of weakness, if only of character or morals.

Seth of course did get to the top of the card, always playing the heel and even sounding at times like he was convincing himself. That all came crashing down mere months after becoming so, with a devastating knee injury forcing him to give up the title he had basically sacrificed all that he had previously believed in before. Related, at that moment Roman was offered the same choice by one HHH you’ll recall, at the head of a tournament to provide a new champ. Roman declined it, giving us more of the tired “I’ve never taken a shortcut” story that fans were already turning from. As Soriano said, it’s just more of the uber-confident robot who never has to question himself. It’s an action-figure.

Seth would return to take that title from Roman in the summer, though he would immediately lose it to a cashing-in Ambrose. Seth’s uncertainty of what he could be after his injury, which was accented when HHH showed the same uncertainty over what Seth could be due to it. Which is why HHH handed the universal title to Kevin Owens, and sent Seth on a course to prove to himself and his boss that he could still do what he used to and be what he was, even as he had to negotiate another injury before their match at Wrestlemania 33. Seth actually had to overcome demons and doubts, whereas Roman has never even paid lip-service to it. Even defeats on the biggest stage seem to only steel his resolve, and that thing was adamantium before.

Since then, Seth began on the trail of turning back into a face, and doing so by having to convince his former “brothers” that he was sorry and wrong for turning on them. There was supposed to be a full-out reunion, though that got derailed by Roman getting the Mumps (and really, Roman catching the Mumps and being replaced by Kurt Angle is straight up Mets-ian). From then on Seth launched his IC chase and reign, and saw it end when he believed too much in himself with an open challenge and lost to Dolph Ziggler. All of it has basically landed Seth as the most over wrestler on the roster, and his matches are about the only thing keeping you from setting yourself on fire merely to feel again on Raw.

We’ve watched Seth swing wildly from tunnel-visioned sociopath, to a broken athlete, to one righting the wrongs of his past, to reveling in the newfound confidence. But you only get there through a journey, one that sees you question yourself and make mistakes and have to make amends for them. It’s a confidence and swagger built on the rubble of what didn’t work and the lessons learned.

Granted, on the ground, Seth has advantages over Roman. The big one is he’s simply a better in-ring worker and more varied. That’s not to say Roman is a bad worker, and far from it, he’s just not the greatly dynamic Rollins (and few are). He needs help from an opponent, and not the broken-controller work of Wreck-It Ralph that Brock Lesnar provides these days.

However, It’s not that Roman has always been a blank slate. There were two times when they had him over, and then went back on it to preserve the script that only exists between Vince McMahon’s ears. The first was after that tournament post-Rollins injury, which Roman won and then saw Sheamus instantly cash-in on him. Roman then simply boiled over, not only destroying Sheamus but also HHH. I suppose it’s arguable that the vulnerability in not being able to control yourself and letting circumstances finally get to you helped him connect. The next night, Roman won the title back while beating up Vince, and you may think I’m crazy but the Philadelphia crowd, PHILADELPHIA, cheered him. Becoming unhinged at your bosses is something we can all agree on, I guess. At least he was leaving the “always the right way, no shortcuts” character back to get what was taken.

Of course, Vince borked this by trying to turn him into Daniel Bryan again AFTER he won the title and making him defend it in odd circumstances and eventually against every Royal Rumble opponent.

The second time they had Roman over was after he retired the Undertaker and the only time they almost leaned into him being a heel. His best ever promo is still the five-word one the night after that Mania after wading through a full 10 minutes of the most vitriolic booing and chants anyone short of a despot would get. “This is my yard now.” Roman even wrestled more heel in the aftermath, and some of that work was the best in his career.

Because it was bravado we could believe. It wasn’t just based on scripts and meetings we couldn’t see backstage and matches he was given. He ended the career of perhaps the best ever (a greatly diminished best ever, but that doesn’t lower his stature). It was built on something. But WWE spurned that momentum too.

It’s amazing how you can start in the same place as someone and yet end up so different.

Everything Else

August Mishegas: Schmaltz, Saad, Whatever Else We Dug Out Of Our Ear

By Sam Fels 2685 0

Heading on vacation for the week, so let’s clear some stuff out before it’s all day drinking and yelling at college friends.

-Late to the train on this, but you can excuse me if I totally forgot the Detroit Red Wings existed. Anyway, they inked Dylan Larkin to a five-year extension, one that will carry a $6.1M hit. This has some bearing on the Hawks, because they’ve made a lot of noise about keeping some head room on the cap for when Nick Schmaltz and Alex DeBrincat, and any other jamoke that decides to have a good year, have to sign extensions themselves. And we know the Hawks are loathe to play hardball. They’ll either basically acquiesce to whatever any player they like wants, or they’ll trade them to Carolina.

Larkin’s deal is going to be something Schmaltz’s agent circles and uses as a starting point. While they’re hardly the same player, their production looks pretty similar. Larkin put up 77 points in his first two seasons, and Schmaltz has put up 80. Larkin is probably the better goal-scorer, but Schmaltz’s 22 is only one off what Larkin did as a rookie and hasn’t matched since.

What will have the Hawks a little worried is if Schmaltz bust out in his third season the way Larkin did, doubling his point-total from the previous season to this one just past. Ok, if Schmaltz did that he’d be a 100-point player so that’s not going to happen. And really, there isn’t too much where Schmaltz can bust. He shot 17.8% last year, and doesn’t appear to be the type who can mutate a 20%+ year. That 17% might even be an aberration. If he produces more shots, that would be an area where you could see the production rise out of. Schmaltz only fired off 1.5 shots on net per game, and just a little under three attempts. It’s not hard to envision playing a full year with Kane where that could go up, and if the percentages remained where they were and he tickles 30 goals he could become way expensive in a hurry.

Larkin also played with only middling talent, though Anthony Mantha is probably slightly more than that. Thomas Tatar really isn’t. Schmaltz is going to get a better platform, and a 60+ point season sees him in the $7 million range. No, it really could. Since The Great Lockout Of ’05, 34 players have managed 140 points or more in their first three seasons. All of them became at least what would be $6 million players today. Here’s the list in case you want to peruse.

-Scott Powers caught up with Brandon Saad’s summer training today at The Athletic. And if you want a lesson in saying nothing while looking like you’re saying nothing, check out the quotes from Brian Keane.

“We’ll track a number of different stats and things that are specific to the type of player that we’re looking at and try to identify areas they’re really excelling at, as well as areas we think they can improve upon,”

Wouldn’t that be every summer program?

“It really starts with the video and assessing all those different things we’re looking at and then start game-planning from there what we can to do to devise a plan for him during the summer.”

Yeah, again, wouldn’t this be every program? Or do most guys just go out and bail hay on some Canadian farm? I guess Saad would be on a Pennsylvania farm but you get the point.

“He can do that especially off a rush or a loose puck play where there’s a turnover and you have someone in front of him. He can use defenders as screens and read where the stick is to change the point of release or create that space for the shot. That’s been something we’ve focused on a lot. But also identifying where to pop in and out of seams and having a sense for when he can use those wheels to hit that seam and time it in a nice way where he’s giving himself a really good opportunity at the weak side or staying outside the pack and then reentering at the right time.”

Doesn’t this all boil down to “getting open?” Sure, changing shooting angles with the puck on your stick is something you can improve and not something Saad does a lot of, but if he doesn’t already have a sense of how to lose himself to the defense, is that something you can just learn?

Anyway, if it improves Saad’s accuracy or gives him a more lethal shot, I guess I’m all for it. Sounds like they’ve been saying what we’ve been saying, but whatever.

-NBC announced it was altering its hockey schedule a bit, which is good news. I guess. I mean the Hawks still appear more than anyone and they suck out loud, but mighty oaks from little acorns. The big news is that “WEDNESDAY NIGHT RIVALRY ARGH BARGH GRAB YOURSELF SPIT AND FART” is going the way of the dodo. Now it’s just “Wednesday Night Hockey” and more often than not will be a double-header. This is good news, as it allows NBC to get the likes of McDavid, Gaudreau, Karlsson, and various California players that are old now on national TV more often without waiting for them to visit the Flyers or Rangers. There will be more of a diverse lineup, as there should be, to highlight teams that are actually good instead of names you might know. If you can believe it, there’s actually a Jets vs. Leafs game on the slate.

Fine, whatever. It can’t hurt, though if they’re still going to have two drunken monkeys in the studio it’s still going to be an annoying broadcast. But at least it’ll be teams you want to watch, instead of more Hawks or Milbury breaking down why you need a Wayne Simmonds to win while he takes yet another dumbass penalty.

All right, jerks. Talk to you next week. Maybe.

Everything Else

Friday Foofaraw: Our Definitely Not (But Should Be) World Famous EPL Preview – Part 2

By Sam Fels 1637 0

Let’s keep it moving:

Leceister: The thing about Leceister is they could suffer three straight relegations and their fans are just never going to care. When you’ve pulled off the biggest miracle championship in sports history, you wouldn’t dare ask for more. Luckily, it won’t be that bad. They’ve hung on to Harry Maguire, but lost Riyad Mahrez so he can sit on the bench at City. There isn’t a lot of dash here, but Vardy always scored despite being an asshat. The players could chuck it on Cladue Puel, and then things could get dicey, but they seem destined for mid-table in a unmemorable way. Which is fine with everyone.

Liverpool: The bestest team ever.

Man City: When you roll over the most competitive league, all you can really do is add depth. So that’s what Mahrez is here to do. They have two guys for every position who would basically start most everywhere else. The only hope for anyone (i.e. Liverpool) is that their insatiable thirst for the Champions League causes them to lose sight of the league. It would take that and an injury crisis you’d have to think. Or everyone losing form at the same time. There’s a reason they won this by 17 points last season.

Man United: Now here’s some pointing and laughing. Jose Mourinho’s main trick, other than boring the life and soul out of everyone, is creating a siege mentality for his team. It’s them against the world, and it usually works…when you give him the most expensive squad in the world. Well, he’s got the latter, but he’s only succeeded in creating a seize mentality for himself. He hasn’t stopped bitching since last season ended, either about the board or his players. Paul Pogba has already had it with his bullshit, and that’s a fight Jose won’t win. He’s not the only player who’s probably aching for Mourinho to go. There’s certainly more than enough talent here to run with City and Liverpool, but not if they’re all miserable. If Jose gets sacked before Christmas, maybe someone can save it. Otherwise, they’re looking at third at best. And only because Spurs are too busy paying for a new stadium.

Newcastle: We say it every year. Newcastle should be Spurs or Arsenal. They have the most rabid support in the country. They have the stadium, and could probably sell out a 75,000 seat one if they wanted to. But you won’t find a bigger dickhead owner than Mike Ashley, who will tell you how much money he doesn’t have while stuffing his pockets. Rafa Benitez has bravely stuck on here for reasons only known to himself, even though Ashely won’t let him spend much more than for a pint after lunch. This squad needed a lot of help, Muto is a striker they needed, and Ki and Fernandes from Swansea help. But this could be so much more. Rafa will get the most he can out of them, it just won’t be what it should.

Southampton: Going down because Mark Hughes is a moron. Another coach who would fit in perfectly in the NHL.

Spurs:  Kind of amazing they’re the first team in PL history to not sign one player in the summer. It’s a really good squad, but it isn’t big enough to carry challenges at home and abroad. Their main rivals have improved or were better to begin with. How are they going to bridge the gap? Pochettino is good, but he’s not that good.

Watford: It’s Watford. They’ll start the first two months on fire, beat a couple of the big boys, play some attractive stuff, and then they’ll just fade out of vision right after Christmas, finishing like 14th in peace. And they’ll probably fire the manager, because it’s simply a reflex for them.

West Ham: Whereas Newcastle’s owner is actually an evil little shit, West Ham’s are just more on the incompetent side. But they may have gotten this summer right. Manuel Pelligrini got a lot of shit at City for not being Pep, just like he did at Madrid, but he’s a very good manager. There have been some keen signings to follow him to East London, and there’s actually hope even though all the fans hate the stadium. They’ll be an interesting watch for the right reasons instead of the b-circus they’ve been.

Wolves: They were almost as entertaining in the Championship as Fulham, and unlike Cardiff will at least entertain no matter what they do. They’ve brought in two Portugal internationals, and Ruben Neves is a fun toy. Keep an eye on.

 

Everything Else

Friday Foofaraw: Our Definitely Not (But Should Be) World Famous EPL Preview – Part 1

By Sam Fels 1846 0

You may be sitting there thinking, “Wait, how can it be time for more soccer? Didn’t the World Cup end like seven minutes ago?” And you’d be right! But the world of footy never stops (especially if you’re one of those weirdos who watches MLS), and this weekend sees the new Premier League season kick off! And anyone you know who watches soccer watches the EPL, so it’s the only one worth previewing (because only Madrid or Barcelona will win in Spain, Juventus in Italy, Munich in Germany, so it’s the only league with at least some drama. Or not, as you’ll see). Let’s rip through it!

Arsenal: So the first two years I’ve done this, I’ve written the same thing about the Gunners because it’s what always happened. Either everyone would get hurt in August, they’d slog around for the half the season, close furiously to finish nowhere good and then everyone would be excited about the next season. Or they’d start out hot, everyone would get hurt in February, and they’d fall apart like a frozen terminator. Well now they’ve let Arsene Wenger toddle off to wherever people like him go (I assume the most boring town in France), hired Unai Emery who’s famous for guiding PSG to some of the biggest full-body dry heaves in the Champions League in history with the world’s most expensive roster. But hey, he won a couple of NITs with Sevilla so you never know? Arsenal have a tantalizing front line with Lacazette and Aubameyang, and Mesut Ozil is probably going to have a big “FUCK ALL Y’ALL” season after whatever that World Cup was for Germany and for him. But they still don’t have much of a midfield behind him, or defense. It seems like 5th is their limit. Oh, and they’ve just been taken over by shithead-with-a-mustache (redundant) Stan Kroenke, so their future might look a lot like a port-a-john on Day 3 of a festival.

Bournemouth: This is at least the third straight year we’re all wondering how Eddie Howe is still managing at this club. Everton should have thrown everything at him, and maybe he’ll take the poisoned chalice that is Newcastle when Rafa Benitez resists murdering owner Mike Ashley and just leaves. Bournemouth will play more attractive football than any of the bottom 10 clubs have a right to, and they might finish 10th. That’s about as good as they can hope. And maybe Howe decides this is as far as he can take them.

Brighton: A miracle they survived, despite not being able to throw a grape into the ocean as far as attack went. They’ve bought an Iranian international, Allreza Jahanbakhsh, to help with that and I definitely didn’t have to check how to spell that five times. He scored 21 goals in Holland last year. You’ll recall Jozy Altidore did that once too, and he doesn’t know how his legs work. They’ll fight hard, be tough to beat, and be in a relegation battle by Thanksgiving.

Burnley: There is always a club that flies too close to the sun. That has every chance of being Burnley. They’ll add European football to this squad, which isn’t very deep. And while Sean Dyche does a great Sam Allardyce impression in that no one is quicker to point out his record despite what his squad costs versus his opponent’s, his teams play boring-ass football that only lasts for so long and will get found out on the European stage. It’ll also tire out and distract his players, so it wouldn’t be a huge shock if they find themselves in a relegation battle that Dyche probably long ago thought he’d never see again.

Cardiff: Their manager Neil Warnock would fit right in in the NHL. He’s an old, drunk blowhard who has not time for new ideas unless they flatter him. His teams are built on graft and effort and are torture to watch or follow. But he gets clubs up from the Championship, and then watches them become overmatched in the Premier League because his only tactic is “GO GET ‘EM, BOYS!” Well, that and blaming refs and foreign managers. Also their owner is one of the bigger raging assholes in the league, which is saying something, and changed their colors from blue to red even though they’re known as “The Bluebirds.” Remember that one guy from Bloodsport who tried to bribe everyone and loved Van Damme and always wore the nice suit? He grew up and became this guy.

Chelsea: You’d think a team with one of the richest people in the world as owner would figure out a way to hire a new manager a little sooner than three weeks before a new season, but you’d be wrong! Chelsea haggled with Napoli over Maurizio Sarri for so long that’s how it worked, because Napoli know how much money they have. So they’ve only been able to buy Jorginho to pair with Kante in the middle, instead of Danny Drinkwater which was high comedy for all of us out here in the fields. And a new keeper because Courtois has finally fucked off to Madrid, and this one’s even more expensive than the one Liverpool got. They’re still going to watch Alvaro Morata’s kleenex-like confidence disappear by October and there won’t be anyone around to score except for the 10 dumbass goals Olivier Giroud manages every year (they’re always in the last five minutes and they’re always off his shoulder). Eden Hazard will be checking out the real estate listings in Madrid, Barcelona, and Paris all season, and if anyone in defense gets hurt they’ll have to play David Luiz in a back four (remember how that worked out in Belo Horizonte in ’14) or the feet-less Gary Cahill. And Willian doesn’t want to be here anymore either. Seems like they’ll be drinking buddies for Arsenal.

Crystal Palace: They have one player in Wilfried Zaha, and their manager is three days older than water and not much more clued in than said water. They haven’t bought anyone, so unless Zaha goes “God mode” again, they could be in for a fight. Their best midfielder in Yohan Cabaye thought it was better to play in the UAE. That’s always a good sign.

Everton: This is where I’m supposed to point and laugh. They hired the manager, Marco Silva, they wanted to hire last year but then they had to settle for Sam Allardyce, a time for the club that will be looked upon as fondly as a roadside prostate exam. Richarlison will suck as soon as it gets cold again, and Lucas Digne is fine. But yesterday they added two from Barcelona and might have gotten Kurt Zouma on loan. Still, they don’t have a striker worth a shit anywhere and they’ll have to false-nine their way into goals. They’re destined to finish 7th or 8th from here until the end of the world.

Fulham: Probably your new favorite team. They got promoted playing probably the most exciting style in the Championship, led by left back/left winger/I’ll-go-where-the-fuck-I-please Ryan Sessegnon, who has a chance to be the next big thing. They’ve added Seri and Schurrle, which sounds like a hell of a law firm, and Mitrovic is simply the most bonkers striker out there, liable to score, get sent off, or just stand still and scream for 90 minutes equally. Whatever they do, you’ll enjoy it.

Huddersfield: Did you know David Wagner and Jurgen Klopp are buddies? If you didn’t the broadcasters will be happy to tell you eight times. They miracled their ass to safety last season, haven’t added anyone, and are going to try and grunt and fart their way to it again. Probably not going to happen.

Part 2 this afternoon…

 

Everything Else

#21

By Sam Fels 7614 0

It is a sad day for all Hawks fans. Stan Mikita passed away, the greatest Hawk of them all. While I could sit here and list off the numbers and accomplishments, or talk about the class and dignity I only experienced through the tellings of other people, I thought it might work better if we let someone who saw him play do the honors here. To illustrate what he meant to several generations of Hawks fans (yes Fork, I’m calling you old). So I’m going to let our friend Fork, from Hawks blog past Hockeenight.com, take over from here. (@Hockeenight). 

When I was born, Stan Mikita was a Blackhawk.

When I started Kindergarten, Stan Mikita was a Blackhawk.

When I got my first girlfriend, graduated grammar school, started shaving, got my first driver’s license, Stan Mikita was a Blackhawk.

When my high school class graduated, Stan Mikita was a Blackhawk. To be honest, he had just played his last game, but you get the idea.

It got to the point that I always figured I’d be on my deathbed, ready to head off into the great beyond, and Stan Mikita would swing around a defenseman, bury a puck behind me, and I’d slip away to the sound of the foghorn.

The Hawks of the 60s and early 70s were pretty much defined by two of the all-time greats, Bobby Hull and Stan Mikita. They were never linemates, Hull always on the top line and Mikita on the 2-line, with Kenny Wharram on the right, and Ab McDonald or Doug Mohns on the left. The “Scooter Line.”

Anyway, Hull and Mikita. Hull was right out of Central Casting, a handsome mass of muscle with curly blonde hair. Even his nickname, “The Golden Jet” sounded like it came from Hollywood. Hull was the fastest skater anyone had ever seen, with a huge slap shot. He was the perfect idol (on the ice, at least), a hockey God. Even the name “Bobby Hull” sounded like it came from a movie.

Mikita though, he was one of us. He never had any catchy nickname…we just called him “Stosh,” like anyone else named Stan from school or around the neighborhood. He was born in Czechoslovakia, and moved to Canada as a small child. The fact that he was from over there resonated with every Bohunk in Cicero/Berwyn, who claimed him as their own. We all identified so strongly with Mikita that even now there is a sea of #21 sweaters at every Hawks game. The name, like the man, was solid, dependable. Where the Canadiens had players with named that sounded like music, names like Guy Lafleur or Jean Beliveau, Stan Mikita sounded more like the guy who put a new roof on your aunt’s bungalow, or fixed your grandfather’s Rambler. Stan Mikita had a name like half the city of Chicago, and after every game he was at his locker, pulling on a dart just like everyone in the Stadium had during the game, giving the old barn that thick layer of smoke that probably made my young lungs look like those of a veteran coal miner’s. One of us.

And to that end, maybe it was fitting that he never left the Chicago area. He wound up having a few different businesses, but he never seemed to be a “Captain of Industry” type. He always made time for kids looking for autographs, as well as adults who could somehow seem starstruck around him, despite his completely unimposing air. He wasn’t a SUPERSTAR, even though he was. I mean, to this day nobody else has pulled off winning the Hart, Art Ross and Lady Byng in the same year, and he did it twice. But he never seemed to seek out star treatment or be aloof with anybody. He was one of us.

Stosh was one of the great innovators in the game too. One day one of his sticks got caught in a door jamb. By the time he finally was able to pull it out, the blade had a huge curve in it. He went out to practice with the curved blade, and the puck rose and dipped when he shot it. Hull and Mikita both used the “banana blades,” and now hockey sticks with curved blades are the norm. A far cry from when Maurice Richard scored so many goals with his backhand, which would not have been nearly as lethal with a curved blade. A guy who took a handyman’s approach – he found something unorthodox to do the job better than the standard tool, much like every handyman around Chicago. One of us.

My first hockey sweater was one my dad bought for me at Morrie Mages. The first one I pulled out was a #9, and my dad told me he didn’t want me wearing anything from “that fuckin wife beater.” So I wore #21. Then when I saw the back of his hockey card and saw he was from Czechoslovakia – the same place my great-grandparents came from – that cemented it for me. I’d go out with my Mikita sweater, my Chicago-brand skates, and a Mikita-brand helmet and my banana blade. There was one frozen patch where kids would go and skate, and I was always welcome because somewhere in my travels I’d acquired a net. But the #21 on my back and that helmet were where any similarities between me and Stosh ended. Except, of course, for the fact that we were both Bohunks in Chicago never quite overcoming challenges – for me, it was my family never having much dough, and for Stosh, it was the Canadiens. I’m pretty sure my dad’s dying words were “Fuckin’ Cournoyer.”

Dollar Bill managed to alienate every great old Blackhawks player, and as a result, neither Mikita nor Hull were in the United Center for years while the Hawks flailed away doing something that kinda/sorta resembled hockey if you squinted enough. When Dollar Bill finally shrugged off his mortal coil, Rocky Wirtz and John McDonough were able to mend fences, and Hull and Mikita returned to the Blackhawks as ambassadors. Of course, the cynic in me could point out that Rocky saw the monetary value in having those guys around, but that’s for another day.

Blackhawks fans my age (and older) were just happy to see them in the UC, and occasionally we’d get the extra trip down memory lane as Mikita would come out on the ice, or be up on the Jumbotron.

Once we heard about Stosh’s battle with dementia, we all knew this day would come. Just as we saw it coming with Walter Payton. Just as we knew Ernie Banks wouldn’t last forever. They all came here and stayed here. They’re as much a part of Chicago’s fabric as dibs and patronage.

So the next time you take a beverage to your lips, hoist it for Stosh. He will always be one of us.

Everything Else

The Hawks Continue To Hope You Don’t Notice They Don’t Have A Plan

By Sam Fels 3141 0

Perhaps it being August is leading me to read too much into whatever little is happening with the Hawks, or around the league in general. It is the Doldrums, as we dubbed this time of year long ago, and it appears some of the bigger moves are going to happen on the eve of or during training camp. Except there was one big move, and it involved a player the Hawks were rumored to be after. Or at least that’s what they want you to think.

Jeff Skinner was traded from Carolina, who were pretty desperate to get rid of him, to the Buffalo Sabres for a 2nd, 3rd, and 6th round pick and a prospect named Cliff Pu and let’s all just ruminate on that for a second.

Now that we’ve done that, let’s refocus. This is basically a nothing package for a player with three 30-goal seasons on the weapons-shy Hurricanes, who has never had a real center when he wasn’t playing it himself. Skinner has 204 goals in eight seasons (seven and a half really thanks to the Season In A Can Of ’13). These guys don’t grow on fucking trees, and really the only thing of value the Canes got was a 2nd round pick this year. Pu (ruminate again) has played four seasons in the OHL, where he’s been all right. His best mark was two years ago where he put up 86 points in London, but that’s just about the buy-in for the Knights. He’s got decent size but is clearly a season in the AHL away before making it to the big time, if that. And he flattened out in his fourth season in the OHL, when you’re supposed to be dominating children at the age of 20. This is not an A-list prospect.

Now, it could very well be that Skinner is an asshat, as has been whispered about him for a while and cited as a reason the Canes wanted to see him hit the ol’ dusty trail. Or it could be the Canes don’t have any idea what they’re doing, as they still have not added a forward or center they so desperately need other than Andrei Svhechnikov, whom they just drafted. But with Skinner heading out the door for nothing that’s going to be on the roster this season, that would seem to be a push. And even if Skinner is a diaper rash, that’s what strong coaching and leadership is supposed to iron out, something I’m told the Hawks have in spades.

You could also be trading for just one year of Skinner. He’s due $5.75M this year and then goes UFA. But the Hawks have clung and clung to this “flexibility” idea, which Skinner’s expiring deal would still leave them, to re-sign Nick Schmaltz (who could get very expensive with another 50+ point season) and Dylan Sikura, should that be deemed an emergency (and let’s just say I have to be convinced that it will be). Should Skinner put up another 30-35 goals, or more considering he’ll actually have a center now in Eichel, he’s probably looking at a $7-$8M payday, maybe more. He’ll basically be the next best option on the market after Artemi Panarin, if you’re forecasting it now.

But still, what’s clear is that the Hawks have a hole on the top six, and Skinner would have filled it. As it stands, Toews, Saad, Schmaltz, Kane, and DeBrincat are on the top six, and as you’ll notice that’s only five. I assume they want Sikura to prove to take it, but again, color me skeptical until given good reason to be otherwise. Not only does this team have a blue line that looks like something out of The Annoyance Theater, but it looks short of goals.

So what are we to conclude about the Hawks not getting a player they’ve been hotly rumored to want? They thought that package was too much? They thought those draft picks were too valuable? That would mean they’re punting on this year, and as we keep saying with all your “core” players being over 30, you don’t get a year to punt. Or they know Crawford won’t play and the year’s been punted for them anyway. They certainly have enough prospects on the level of Pu (take your time) to have put this together.

Or should we conclude that Skinner used his NMC to rule out a trade to the Hawks? That he preferred the fucking Sabres to the Hawks because at least whatever talent they have, basically Eichel and Rasmus Dahlin now, has brighter prospects RIGHT NOW than the Hawks? That he thought the safest bet going into his UFA years was not playing on Toews’s or Schmaltz’s wing but in Buffalo. Again, BUFFALO.

The Hawks can’t claim that they didn’t go hard after Skinner because they want to maintain flexibility, because he only has the one year left. They can’t claim they didn’t like the player because we basically know they called about him and Justin Faulk. And if they did like him than they would consider signing him long-term if things worked. And again, if they didn’t, that wasn’t much of a package to take a flier. Or they were so worried about his personality that they thought Q and Toews couldn’t corral him and keep him focused (that’s just conjecture right now). Or they really think they can’t give up picks that aren’t in the first round.

So what about any of that makes you feel good?

Everything Else

Friday Foofaraw: My Hockey Mixtape

By Sam Fels 1984 0

This is admittedly an idea I stole from St. Vincent, whose ITunes Radio Show I just discovered. But hey, if you’re going to steal, steal from the best. Anyway, on her show she creates a mixtape/playlist for people who call in and describe their situation in life. So because we spend a lot of time talking about music here along with hockey, I thought I’d share a playlist of songs that I associate with hockey and the Hawks. 

“Ocean Size” – Janes Addiction

They’re not particularly hockey, but when I first started going to the standing room at Chicago Stadium my brother was listening to “Nothing’s Shocking” constantly. Like, all the time. And one summer I went to Yellowstone and met my cousin for the first time, and though I was told he only listened to rap he was listening to this album all the time as well. It was basically everywhere. So when it was time to get into the car and head to 1800 W. Madison, this was the album that was on for my first handful of visits.

“Outshined” – Soundgarden

If you were in the Old Stadium, and you got there for warm-ups (and chances are if you did the first you were doing the second), the playlist was intoxicating to any child desperately wanting to think he was cool and tough (was not either, still not either). It was actually somewhat modern, and it was loud, and you were watching a bunch of nutcases get ready for whatever nonsense the Hawks and North Stars would cook up while a bunch of nutcases in the stands were already on their third beer and piling through their personal Connie’s pizza (god I miss those). To say it was charged would be an understatement. And the opening riff for “Outshined” basically had everyone frothing at the mouth in the building a good half an hour before puck drop. And no, the Hawks haven’t really updated the playlist since.

“6′ 1” – Liz Phair

Going to start jumping around here a bit, and I know this one might stick out a bit. Although if you don’t have this album then your life quite simply is short. Anyway, I was listening to this song far too loud in my car on the first warm day of spring 2009, going far too fast on Lake Shore Drive, and any Chicagoan will tell you that’s the exact time and place to be listening to music far too loud. The Hawks had just won Game 5 against Vancouver in Vancouver, Killion and I had to go to his office downtown on a Sunday to do a radio interview in Vancouver with the Pass It To Bulis guys because it was the only place we knew we could both use a landline. The Hawks were going farther than we ever expected, my stupid little program had turned into a wilder success than I ever would have anticipated, and there I was on The Drive. One of the happiest times of my life, and whenever I hear this song I think of that and Bolland’s goal in the dying minutes of the 3rd period.

“Saturday Night” – Kaiser Chiefs

You do a lot of stupid things when you move into your first apartment. And generally, the apartment itself is stupid, and mine was no different. A shitty little studio in Lakeview, and like everyone else’s first apartment it was mostly stereo and CDs. The other thing I couldn’t wait to do was to get NHL Center Ice for the first time, as that was never going to fly living with my father. And that was the first time I ever saw Hockey Night In Canada. While it shouldn’t have been that epic of an occasion, this was the tentpole of the sport coverage-wise, and now it was like I was in the club. At least for the first few times or years, when it first gets cold and you settle in to watch Hockey Night In Canada after ordering a pizza and cracking open a beer, with the chill outside actually feeling refreshing, there is something special about it. Anyway, I was listening to this album a lot then because I was silly, but this song is still pretty cool.

“Reunited” – Wu-Tang

This was the album I was listening to when I finally chucked it on the Hawks. It was in the car the last game I went to for years, a 3-2 loss to the Flyers where Alex Zhamnov scored in the opening 20 seconds and then the Hawks never looked like scoring again (they somehow did). I didn’t enter the UC again for something like four years. Not that this song or album are a bad time or anything.

“Oblivion” – Mastodon

The soundtrack to most of my first year doing CI. McClure introduced me to Mastodon, sitting on the same two barstools we sat on for most of the first two years we knew each other. My father walked in on me headbanging to this while claiming to be working more than once. And it certainly was pregame music heading to the UC that year for at least 25 home games.

“Rudi Can’t Fail” – The Clash

Best goal song the Hawks ever had.

“You Shook Me All Night Long” – AC/DC

Second best goal song the Hawks ever had.

“On A Plain” – Nirvana

I simply refused to listen to this album for the first few months of its release because of the ubiquitousness of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” everywhere. Visiting my brother for his college graduation, he made me take it in. Needless to say it was playing a lot when the Hawks made their trip to the Final, and certainly even more to get over the feeling of losing it so badly.

“Jammin’ Me” – Tom Petty

“Hockey is like Tom Petty. Life is just better when that’s in it.” – The Elder Fels

 

 

 

 

Everything Else

Gustav Forsling’s Surgery And Absence Makes Me Wonder Why The Hell I Should Care

By Sam Fels 2399 0

I don’t know how it ends up you have this a full three months after your season ended, but…

 

So whatever plans you might have had for the Hawks’ defense that included Forsling, you can put them on the backburner for now. Forsling will miss training camp and the beginning of the season, as just his recovery would have him only practicing again in the middle of November. That assuredly will take place in Rockford, as Forsling had long been cast there to end last season and unless the blue line is even bigger clown dysentery than we think it will be, he’s going to stay there.

Which sucks for Forsling, as this is something of a make-or-break year for him. We know how the Hawks sour on prospects, generally, after a certain amount of time in the organization. This would have been Forsling’s third season at least floating around the periphery of the roster, and now he’s going to have to wait until likely 2019 to even be in that position again. And that’s assuming some other player doesn’t take his spot (*cough* Jokiharju *cough*).

Personally, I’m having a hard time locating a fuck. Even at Forsling’s tender age and experience-level, they have flashed something somewhere to make you think what the future could be. Really, Forsling hasn’t done that at all, except for maybe walking the blue line once in October. He was horsed consistently in his own zone and never looked offensively dynamic enough to counter that. Put it this way, even when Nick Leddy was having his skull turned into pudding in his first year or two in the NHL, you could see the skating and vision. Forsling hasn’t even come close to that. If I squint I see maybe Kyle Cumiskey. And I don’t want to see Kyle Cumiskey. Neither do you. I had enough the first time.

Now looking at the training camp blue line, there are the three veterans in Keith, Seabrook, and Murphy. There’s free agent signing Brandon Manning, doing whatever it is he does. Jan Rutta is still here for reasons Stan Bowman can no longer or remember or understand. Forsling’s injury makes it easier on Erik Gustafsson to make the top-six, which is…just…great. It also opens up a path for Jokiharju to make the roster, and really I don’t know what the Hawks would be holding onto by not letting him at this point. Beating up on children isn’t going to do anything for his development. And they can tell Blay Killman to do one because he’s only here to go out drinking with Ian Mitchell when he arrives in the spring of ’19 or fall of ’20.

Who’s excited?

Everything Else

The Ballad Of Corey And Summer Break

By Sam Fels 2676 0

It wasn’t that we were ever going to learn a whole lot from the Convention and when Corey Crawford appeared (forced to appear?). If anything it only added to the confusion, and pushed us to being more convinced that when he’s not ready for the camp, or even for the season, the Hawks are going to fully put the blame on him. And it sounds like that will be more and more unfair.

Let’s get the stuff on the ground first before we try and sift through the higher-concept stuff. After the season, both Stan Bowman and Joel Quenneville said that they fully expect Corey to be ready for training camp. Q referenced “reports” they get, though who these are from or what exactly they are, no one’s going to be able to tell you.  And if you’re even more confused as to why a coach would need a “report” on his own player you’d hope he had any kind of relationship with, I’m going to have to leave you in that body of water because I have no tow-rope of an answer for you. They’re might not even be any such reports. And what’s clear now is that neither individual actually spoke to Crawford himself. Which isn’t encouraging.

Because if either had spoken to Crow, they probably would echo what the man himself said. He said that it’s a possibility he could be ready for camp, he’s progressing, he hopes he is, but that he can’t promise that. He really has no idea. So why do the coach and GM? Why are they making pronouncements that clearly don’t line up with what the player himself is feeling? The only explanation is that so they can dump this on Crow when he’s not ready, except at no point did either Stan or Q say, “Corey has told us he’ll be ready for camp.” They just said it, based on these nebulous “reports.” And I guess they want us top believe either that they don’t have Corey’s phone number and can’t ask him themselves, they never called him, or he didn’t return their calls/texts. Quite frankly, it’s a load of shit and when the Hawks try and pin this on Crow you should be angry at them, not at the player.

It’s easy to understand the frustration of the ambiguity of this. But you also get the impression that Crawford and the Hawks are dealing with something not all that common, and that’s if we leave it as just head trauma. If he blows out a knee or requires rotator cuff surgery, we have some frame of reference for the recovery of that. What we clearly have entered into here is something that can’t be tracked or has little precedence.

It won’t do any good to dip more than a toe into the pool of simply wild rumors and innuendos about what’s going on with Crow (hmm, that’s a lot of water references. Doesn’t that mean death in dreams? I’m in some trouble here). Some of it is really out there. But if even a shred of them have some truth, then this is a deeply personal thing, and quite frankly we don’t have this right to know exactly what’s going on. Even just a head injury is personal in that A. recovery from it is completely dependent on the player B. the risks are so great. Perhaps some players can plow through the idea that their life will be forever changed after they’re done playing (and when you’re over 30 as Crow is that’s really not all that far away), but there shouldn’t be an derision of a player who is also considering that in their recovery to make sure they’re 100%. Considering all that Crow has already accomplished–two Cups, what should have been a Conn Smythe, a couple of Jennings’ trophies, a World Cup and representing his country–he could be forgiven if he spent a little time wondering if there was that much left for him to do and whether putting his long term health and happiness on the line was really worth it.

Quite simply, if Crow is dealing with more than that–and I have honestly no idea if he is and no one I know who is plugged is seems to either, but we all hear the same whispers from the hinterlands to the jackass at the rink bar–than the Hawks seemingly pinning this on him is wholly wrong. And it was wrong when they did it after the famous Rise Against show, though they might not have known everything they were dealing with then. If there is something personal at work here–and again, I have no idea if that’s the case–I don’t see how saying one thing about him and then having him to at least tamp that down himself so that he looks like he’s not living up to expectations helps him in any way. It shows a nearly unconscionable lack of understanding. And maybe from that Rise Against happening there’s always been a separation between Crow and the Hawks and a lack of trust from both sides.

And I don’t know what the point of having him at the Convention was, either. There isn’t anyone who is or isn’t going to buy a ticket to that museum of freaks based on whether Crawford is going to be there or not. Having him there means he’s going to have to talk, and this is a situation where more quotes really aren’t going to help. And if he wasn’t going to parrot the message the Hawks have been sending out all summer, why did they send out that message? At least Crow knows he’s important enough that he doesn’t have to go along with what they’ve said about him, but this is yet another thing the Hawks have completely borked and ended up with several substances on their hands and no handiwipes around.

Sure, Hawks fans are getting a bit riled because there’s so little information we can trust out there. But at the end of the day, is it really our business? Do we have that “right?” I don’t think we do, especially when it comes to certain ailments or problems. If the Hawks were going to be vague anyway, they could have protected Corey better by saying something more like, “He’s dealing with a serious injury/matter/issue/whatever, we and him both hope he’s ready for camp but the most important thing is that Corey takes care of himself, and we support him fully in whatever he feels he needs to do that.” Instead we get this, team and player saying different things and no one knows where to turn. How is this better?

-So this is the point where things will go a bit dark around here. August is clearly the dead month on the hockey calendar, and we could all use the a break. If something happens, we’ll of course write about it. If Hess wants to bitch about Colts training camp, and you know he does, he’ll write about it. If Pullega needs to put a curse on all of us, he’ll do that. If Rose finally wants to reveal she’s Chicago Party Aunt, she’ll do that. But for the next few weeks, let’s say things will be sporadic so that we feel a bit more freshened up for training camp and season previews and all that good stuff. But don’t you worry, our Bears Roundtable before the season starts will of course be done. Anyway, take care and we’ll talk soon.

 

Everything Else

Friday Foofaraw: Our Definitely World Famous Blackhawks Convention Primer

By Sam Fels 2340 0

It’s that time again! The last happening on the hockey calendar before we head into the summer doldrums and awake for training camp. It’s in the no way at all kitchy, greedy, utterly creepy Blackhawks Convention! We don’t want you going in there blind, so let us provide a guide for all the goings-on this weekend:

Friday

5pm Opening Ceremonies

Every year I hope this is the one where Eddie Olczyk’s hair just gets up, lights a cigarette, and walks off for good. Maybe this is the one. Anyway, watch Eddie try and be overly dramatic for every introduction while they players sweat their balls off behind the curtain being forced to wear the jerseys on a summer day in an overstuffed ballroom. All for the privilege to come out and wade through the teeming masses that they assuredly don’t want to touch but have to (a curious role reversal for Garbage Dick). You have to love that this is called “Opening Ceremonies” for not a sporting event but one meant to drive cash while a bunch of people stand around.

8pm – The Second City

Oh good, time for my yearly rant on why Second City (and IO) are trash outfits. No matter how talentless you are, Second City will run you up the ladder of classes and shows as long as you keep paying. For every Tina Fey or Steve Carrell they produce, there’s a 100 people less funny than the dude in the break room at work you’ve fantasized about taking a scythe too. And a good portion of them will be at this natural disaster, trying to prod stiff and bewildered hockey players through an improv sketch. Oh, and are you surprised Adam Burish is part of this? If Burish couldn’t skate he definitely would have been an IO regular 15 years ago.

Saturday

9am – The Breakaway

Oh man,  if you thought you had enough of Rocky and McD blowing themselves, just you wait, fucko! There’s a goddamn book! They’ll be pushing this “Inside Story of The Wirtz Family Business and The Chicago Blackhawks,” as if there was anymore to it than being born on third, manipulating local laws and taxes to shelter your liquor and real estate business, and falling ass-backwards into a ready-made Cup contender because your father just happened to kick it at that moment. Cunning strategy, really.

10am – Hockey Operations

We might not get the Bowman, MacIsaac, MacIver, and Bernard fatal four-way when we finally find out who was responsible for the Trevor Daley idea, but it wouldn’t matter because McD is going to wander in halfway through this and declare himself the winner and take all the questions.

10:45 – Goal Scorers

Oh sweet lord. A vapid, Trump-supporting, Kid Rock-loving loudmouth in Jeremy Roenick and Patrick Kane together. This is sure to attract the highest quality person.

11:45 – President’s Forum

Oh you thought “The Breakaway” would be all the self-fellating from the top? Guess again, shitbag! McDonough gets one forum all to himself, hopefully taking time out from bullying his employees but no guarantees, to tell you what a great job he’s done in the past 11 years. If anyone asks a tough question, please ignore him shitting himself. He’s a genius, don’t you know?

12:30 – Blackhawks Family Feud

This is hell.

1:15 – Kids Only

A search for the next Joey The Junior Reporter, because Joey has now discovered drugs, poetry, and girls with purple hair. He’s burned all of his Hawks memorabilia.

2:00 – Blackhawks Match Game

Believe me, the Hawks players have been playing “match game” in their heads since this thing fucking started.

2:45 – Blueliners

Chris Chelios and Duncan Keith are there to tell you what it’s like to slash a player in the face. Chelios wins because he got Paul Kariya whereas Keith wasted his moment of madness merely on Charlie Coyle.

3:45 – From Beer League To Big League

“Hey! Remember when the Hawks had a lost season because their front office forgot to assemble a blue line or get a better center than Anisimov or their coach didn’t want to play any of their young players and they had no plan if Crawford got hurt and their television ratings went into the toilet and the building wasn’t full anymore?

“Oh you do? Hmm…crap.”

“But Scott Foster! Wasn’t that fun?”

5pm – Blackhawks TV Originals

I can’t tell you what this about nor do I care to find out because anyone associated with Blackhawks TV has all the panache of a cumquat.

6pm – Blackhawks Game Show

Jesus god there’s three of these things! More Second City! If you’re a tourist from Iowa/head trauma victim you’ll be highly entertained!

Sunday

9am – The Hull Brothers

Do I have to say it anymore? It’s 9am so there’s a small chance Bobby won’t be drunk yet, but he’ll still be an irredeemable asshole. Maybe he’ll choke on his fucking wig already.

10am – Meet Your New Blackhawks!

No!

11am – Life After Hockey

Burish, Bickell, Eager, and Fraser for this one. The latter three look on impatiently while Burish finds any camera left in the hotel to get in front of.