Faxes from Uncle Dale

Tag: Roberto Luongo

  • Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 NHL Team Previews: Tallon With The Billy Martin

    Your Friends And Neighbors – ’17-’18 NHL Team Previews: Tallon With The Billy Martin

    A lot of the ink spilled on the Florida Panthers this summer was in the vein of, “What are they doing?” Three of their top six scorers were simply let go. Reilly Smith was traded to Vegas (don’t every say, “Las”). Jesse Marchessault was taken in the expansion draft. Jaromir Jagr was just allowed to walk. They had yet another front office shuffle, which landed Dale Tallon back into the GM’s chair. They hired Bob Boughner as coach.

    Here’s the thing. The Panthers are weird. And they’re weird because they’re owned by a rich guy who is obsessed with the army. And any rich dude obsessed with the army is fucking trouble. He patterned the logo after the army. The uniforms. He wanted the Panthers to be in the game at West Point. I want to pretend he’s like Buster Bluth and calls it, “Army,” but no, this dude served and thinks it should be the foundation of every company he runs, if not the world at large. This is just bad. And as long as he’s there, the Panthers will be weird.

    Florida Panthers

    ’16-’17 Record: 35-36-11  81 points  6th in the Flortheast

    Team Stats: 50.5 CF% (11th)  49.2 SF% (21st)  48.8 SCF% (22nd)  6.5 EVSH% (26th)  .921 EVSV% (2oth)  17.0 PP% (24th)  85.3 PK% (2nd)

    (more…)

  • No One Can Be Trusted, Everyone Is A Suspect – Hawks at Panthers Preview, All-Inclusive Spring Break Package

     at 

    Game Time: 6:00PM CDT
    TV/Radio: WGN, NHLN (US), WGN-AM 720
    Panther Like A Panther: Litter Box Cats

    With the season coming around the final turn, the Hawks find themselves nearly completely clear of divisional and conference play with 10% of the schedule still remaining. Of the eight games left, only one is against a Central opponent, and since it’s Colorado it doesn’t even really count anyway. And the first five of that stretch are all against eastern conference opponents, beginning with a Florida trip starting tonight in Sunrise before swinging up to Tampa on Monday.

    (more…)

  • Dead Cat Bounce – Panthers vs Hawks Preview, Account Overdraft Notification

    panthro panther vs 250px-Ozymandias

    Game Time: 7:30PM CST
    TV/Radio: CSN, WGN-AM 720
    Uncle Dale’s New Dysfunctional Family: Litter Box Cats

    panthers-lineup-card

    blackhawks-lineup-card

    Dale Tallon just can’t seem to find an organization that doesn’t have dysfunction among the front office braintrust. And after getting kicked upstairs this past summer, his replacement Tom Rowe has now descended to behind the Cats’ bench after unceremoniously launching Gerard Gallant on Sunday after a mediocre 11-10-1 start. And Tom Rowe will make his NHL head coaching debut at the United Center tonight as the Hawks return home from the final Circus Trip ever.

    (more…)

  • No Guarantees Or Safe Places – Hawks at Panthers Preview, Snowbird Flight

    evil empire at panthro panther

    Game Time: 6:30PM Central
    TV/Radio: CSN, WGN-AM 720
    Pete The Puma: Litter Box Cats

    Now that the winning streak is a thing of the past, halted at 12 games last night in Tampa, the Hawks have to regroup quickly to complete the road leg of the Florida two-step tonight in Sunrise against the Panthers, who were recent owners of a 12 game win streak that vaulted them to the top of their division as well.

    (more…)

  • Stray Cat Strut – Panthers vs Hawks Preview, Fire Suppression System Testing

    pack up the cats vs evil empire

    Game Time: 7:30PM Central
    TV: CSN, WGN-AM 720
    Jimmy Buffett Sucks: Litter Box Cats

    In today’s episode of the family favorite series Not Tone Deaf, the following is presented free of comment:

    (more…)

  • Fortune Teller

    Fortune Teller

    Editor’s Note: This ran in last night’s print edition.

    Now in year seven of the Joel Quenneville era of Blackhawks Renaissance, the Hawks actually find themselves in slightly uncharted territory. Not only is this the first time that they have been past the first round for three straight years in the post-expansion era, but the Hawks are trying to eliminate the same team three straight years for the first time ever, with their most recent opportunity having been thwarted by  Alex Burrows and Chris Campoli.

    (more…)

  • Pick Up The Pieces – Hawks at Panthers Preview, Pregame Thread, Snowbird Migration

    AltLogo vs pink panther

    Game Time: 6:30PM Central
    TV/Radio: CSN, SportsNet Ontario, SportsNet West, WGN-AM 720
    Florida Men: Litter Box Cats

    Rare is the home-and-home in the NHL’s unbalanced divisional scheduling era, and rarer still is its interconference cousin. But that’s exactly what’s in store tonight as the Hawks take on the Panthers once again, this time in Sunrise as the first part of the Florida two-step.

    (more…)

  • “Cha!” Said The Kitty – Panthers vs Hawks Preview, Pregame Thread, Teeth Gnashing

    panthro panther vs AltLogo_medium

    Game Time: 7:30PM Central
    TV/Radio: CSN, WGN-AM 720
    It Never Snows In Florida: Litter Box Cats

    Much like Joel Quenneville’s theory regarding 5-on-3’s, there was a school of thought that this 8 game homestand would go a long way in determining how the Hawks’ regular season will end up. And also similar to  Quenneville’s 5-on-3 power play units, this stretch has been frustrating and bordering on motionless, going down to the wire to salvage something other than “unmitigated disaster” as a result. That opportunity presents itself tonight in the form of the Florida Panthers on the front end of a home-and-home, where the Hawks can barely squeak out 9 points of a potential 16 with a win tonight coming off of three straight losses.

    (more…)

  • "Cha!" Said The Kitty – Panthers vs Hawks Preview, Pregame Thread, Teeth Gnashing

    panthro panther vs AltLogo_medium

    Game Time: 7:30PM Central
    TV/Radio: CSN, WGN-AM 720
    It Never Snows In Florida: Litter Box Cats

    Much like Joel Quenneville’s theory regarding 5-on-3’s, there was a school of thought that this 8 game homestand would go a long way in determining how the Hawks’ regular season will end up. And also similar to  Quenneville’s 5-on-3 power play units, this stretch has been frustrating and bordering on motionless, going down to the wire to salvage something other than “unmitigated disaster” as a result. That opportunity presents itself tonight in the form of the Florida Panthers on the front end of a home-and-home, where the Hawks can barely squeak out 9 points of a potential 16 with a win tonight coming off of three straight losses.

    (more…)

  • That Much Further West – Hawks at Canucks Preview, Pregame Thread, Scream Therapy

    oldschool at Lumberjack_Song

    Game Time: 9:30PM CDT
    TV/Radio: WGN, TSN, WGN-AM 720
    The Truth Is Out There: Nucks Misconduct, Canucks Army

    With last night’s OT loss to the hapless Flames in Cow Town, the Hawks are officially in the midst of their longest losing streak since the 9-game debacle that nearly completely derailed the 2011-2012 season. And while things aren’t nearly that dire yet, the Blues have already tied the Hawks for first in the Central and have games in hand, and the road trip prior to the Olympics takes a much sharper turn toward icky starting tonight with their old friends the Canucks. Though given the state of things in Vancouver of late, just how icky can be debated.

    (more…)