Everything Else

Assuming he’s on the call tonight, at some point Pierre McGuire will start gushing about Joel Edmundson. That’s because he’s big, and he played for two different teams in the WHL with the combined population of one castrated horse. Pierre will shorten his pants because he thinks that Edmundson intimidates forwards and closes down the ice. He’s wrong.

Here’s what you need to know about the Blues. They only have one d-man under 6-2, and that’s rookie Vincent Dunn, whom they assuredly will spend the summer trying to stretch on a rack while force-feeding him shitty St. Louis pizza to try and make him bigger. And this is one of the reasons the Blues won’t go anywhere while you’re alive.

The league is getting faster and lighter. The Preds don’t have any atom-smashers on their blue line, just six guys who are lightning quick. They’re leading the division after getting out of the conference last year. The Jets d-men are big, yes, but they can all really skate. Their size is secondary. The Lightning don’t come with size there either as they move away from their Sustr and Coburn era into the Sergachev-McDonagh one. The kid currently saving the Bruins, Charlie McAvoy, can’t get on every rollercoaster.

The Blues continue to employ a big and slow defense. And it’s costing them. Jabe O’Meester is dead. Alex OrangeJello has never dominated the #1 d-man they’ve needed because he can’t get around the ice quick enough. Parayko changes direction at the same rate as an ocean liner. Edmundson is slow and dumb, to complete the set.

As long as the Blues continue to choose this path, they’ll finish up the track in the West, as teams get faster and faster. When the Blues feel like competing, they’ll start moving guys like Edmundson out for more players like Dunn. We won’t sit on a hot stove waiting for it.

 

Game #73 Preview

Preview

Spotlight

Q&A

Douchebag Du Jour

I Make A Lot Of Graphs

Lineups & How Teams Were Built

Everything Else

Once again, we were asked to eulogize the St. Louis Blues upon their exit from the playoffs for Yahoo!’s Puck Daddy Blog. 

Slayed the dragon!”

That’s a phrase we’ve gotten used to around these parts. Upon this day when we come to mourn/kick dirt/wildly celebrate yet another Blues playoff exit before anything a banner would be raised for, It’s time to consider that. We heard it five years ago, when another continually good-but-not-good-enough team hellbent on measuring its manhood every shift beat a deeply flawed Hawks team, took the most amount of time to do it, and celebrated as if it was discovered drinking beer gives you superpowers. A team with Cup aspirations screaming out its lungs needing every bounce and break to beat a third-placed team. It was Vancouver then. It’s St. Louis now. That’s some company you keep, Blues.

The Blues told us that triumph in the 1st round signalled that everything was different. This win proved that they’d learned their lesson. No longer was this a disgusting organization run by calculating, ham-handed, born-on-third executives with a section of their fandom doing their best to prove that evolution does not actually exist and become the scorn of the rest of the hockey world.

Oh wait, we’re supposed to be talking about the Blues and not the Hawks. Sorry, back to that.

Everything Else

bluestrumpet_jersey vs evil empire

Game Time: 2:00PM Central
TV/Radio: NBC, TVA-S, SportsNet, WGN-AM 720
Holidae In: St. Louis Game Time

After having the tide of the series flip on a dime on two controversial goal calls (and one not at all controversial slashing call), the Blues are now afforded with an opportunity to show the hockey world that their continual, perennial faith in them is justified. To show them, yes indeed, this time it will be different.

Everything Else

evil empire at imos blues

Game Time: 8:30PM CDT
TV/Radio: CSN, NBCSN, SportsNet360, TVA-S, WGN-AM 720
If A Urinal Cake Were A Town: St. Louis GameTime

As far as inevitabilities go, the Hawks and Blues meeting in the first round of the playoffs this year is right up there with death, taxes, and David Haugh writing something profoundly ignorant, stupid, and damaging. And with this series, all of the old war horses once again will be trotted out, from the Hawks “turning it on” and hockey followers everywhere from local to national believing beyond a shadow of a doubt that this time it will be different for the Blues.

Everything Else

And so it begins anew, and the braintrust of the NHL gets what they ultimately want again with the divisional playoff format with a perennial occurence of legacy NHL rivalries along with an effort to fabricate new ones. The Hawks and Blues will meet in the first round for the second time in three years, with the Blues once again having home ice advantage thanks to their usual solid regular season. But even the florid, toothless cretins along the river are beginning to realize that that type of success and $2.50 gets one on the bus.

Because everything the Blues does is predicated on the prevention of quality chances against, it’s appropriate to take a look at their back end of the blue line and their goalies first.

Everything Else

bluestrumpet_jersey vs evil empire

Game Time: 7:30PM
TV/Radio: CSN, WGN-AM 720
Toasted Ravs, Man: SLGT

Tonight’s game between the Hawks and Blues is being labeled a playoff preview by all of the flapping heads around the league, and in one sense, that’s not accurate at all given the number of injuries on both sides that will surely answer the bell this time next week, as well as the fact that this first round matchup is anything but a foregone conclusion. And in that respect tonight already is a playoff game unto itself. Should the Blues gain a single point, they will clinch some form of home ice and the Hawks will be locked into third in the Central. However a Hawks regulation win still keeps them in position for home ice if not the division, depending on the outcome of Stars/Avs. The Hawks would still need some help from the Preds and/or Capitals on Saturday, but they still have to close out their regular season home schedule properly tonight to give themselves a chance.

Everything Else

evil empire at bluestrumpet_jersey

Game Time: 7:00PM Central
TV/Radio: NBCSN, TVA-S, WGN-AM 720
Literally A Fucking Radioactive Trash Pile: St. Louis Game Time

Because literally nothing John McDonough and Jay Blunk do is on accident or by coincidence, the NHL’s quiet announcement that they have concluded their “investigation” of Patrick Kane and have predictably found nothing calls into question a couple other media blips over the past 24 hours.

First, yesterday afternoon the geniuses running the Hawks’ social media department thought it was important to include Patrick Kane and his mother in a tweet acknowledging International Women’s Day, which is insulting and disgusting. And today it leaked that Sports Illustrated will be doing a (regional) cover story on just how much Garbage Dick has had to overcome this year on his way to being the league’s leading scorer and a Hart Trophy front runner. Because John McDonough is very good at his job, these events are not to be viewed as anything other than deliberate and connected.

And the purpose of it is potentially two-fold. At the very least, with any bureaucratic loose ends now tied up with the conclusion of the NHL’s farce of an investigation, which allows McDonough and Blunk to start building a ground game and controlling a narrative ahead of what they figure to be a bright and direct spotlight once again on this team into May and June. The second more stomach-churning purpose is for a potential Masterton Trophy nomination, the NHL’s perseverance award for which every team submits its candidate. It would be a tremendously nauseating and ballsy move on their part, considering recent winners include a widower, a bereaved father, and an MS sufferer. But John McDonough is known for big moves after all.

[extremely sportsy radio host voice]….just like tonight’s big rivalry night tilt in St. Louis between the Blues and Hawks!

Everything Else

bluestrumpet_jersey vs evil empire

Game Time: 6:00PM Central
TV/Radio: WGN Ch. 9, NHL Network, TVAS, WGN-AM 720
Army Corps Of Engineers Got It Right: SLGT

After a three game southern mini-road trip, the Hawks return home for a brief one-night stand at the UC before heading back down to Carolina prior to the All Star break. It will also be the Hawks’ last home game for two straight weeks, with four straight away from the west side spanning either side of the break. Their guests for tonight’s one off will be the anthropomorphic carbunkles from West East St. Louis, the Blues.