Hockey

The scariest thing happening on the ice this Halloween was far and away the Hawks’ defense or lack thereof against the Wild on Sunday. It was recently announced that Amy’s Eldest broke his thumb blocking a shot on Saturday night and is out approximately 3-4 weeks. So the Hawks gave one of the Johnson simulations a promotion all the way to the top pairing and gave us a middling at best defensive effort against the Wild—though it was an effort given while short a D-man, respectively. It was only by the grace of God that this team was able to grab a point. To the bullets!

10/30 – Hawks 3, Wild 3 (Hawks lose their last $6 to a pool shark)
Box Score
Game Log
Natural Stat Trick

  • Jake McCabe continues to exhaust me on a nightly basis. Tonight he was able to put his usual annoying gameplay on pause to open the scoring and give the Hawks a 1-0 lead thanks to a wrister from the point. But then seconds later he lost his stick in a puck battle to the Wild because he just had to be THE BIG HIT GUY who DELIVERS BIG HITS. This utterly nonsensical play led directly to the Wild easily moving right around McCabe and Matt Boldy scoring to tie the game. After the few things he does right, he will automatically remind you about all the things he does wrong.
  • Never this season did I think I’d see Toews’s give-a-shit meter be higher than Kane’s, but for this game it was definitely Toews sticking with it and taking as many offensive chances as he could get. Although he only had one goal to show for it, it was a game-tying goal where he went five-hole on old friend Marc-Andre Fleury. Now leading the team in goals, those chances have obviously paid off for the captain. Kane, however, looks like he couldn’t care less, which isn’t very helpful when the Hawks are down a goal. Maybe he’s just REALLY committed to Kyle Davidson’s tanking plan.
  • It was a very nifty play by Kane and lots of quick maneuvering by Athanasiou that should be commended for the 3rd Hawks goal that turned into the big highlight of the night. I think it would’ve been awesome had Connor Murphy and Jarred Tinordi not left Matt Boldy once again all alone seconds after the goal was scored to easily fake out Alex Stalock and score on a wide-open net.
  • There was plenty of roughhousing between the Hawks and Wild—the fast, skilled Hawks teams of yore have dissipated into whatever this team is, moving back in time to a classic physical hockey style which continues to exhaust me to my very core. Tinordi, who is just about only good for fighting, won a two-punch fight against Ryan Hartman, which was I guess fine. Then there was more tomfoolery after a hit that seemed to hurt Athanasiou’s hand and later on a dangerous hit on Kane that ended in his head slamming into the boards. What could’ve been a Hawks powerplay was instead turned back into a regular 5-on-5 situation, and the Hawks certainly didn’t win the game, so I’m still not sure what the point of it all was.

 

Next Game: 11/1 vs. Islanders

Game Time: 7:30PM CST
TV/Radio:
NBCSCH+, WGN 720
New York Telephone Conversation: Lighthouse Hockey

The Islanders have won three straight against the likes of the Rangers, the Hurricanes and the Avalanche, some of the top teams in the league. If New York can continue to put the pedal to the metal, it might be an ugly night for the Hawks tonight.

The Islanders started out on a bit of a skid to start the season, starting out 2-4 before their recent win streak. But since then, the Islanders have had shutdown goaltending from Ilya Sorokin, who has a .933 save percentage so far this season, and also find themselves 4th in the league in 5-on-5 scoring. Their powerplay, however, leaves little to be desired as the Isles are 5th-worst in the league in PP%.

The Islanders forward groups have finally found some sort of formation it seems, with Josh Bailey, Mathew Barzal, and Oliver Wahlstrom sitting on the top line. Barzal leads the team in assists and points, whereas Wahlstrom has the team highest goals. Anders Lee, Brock Nelson and Anthony Beauvillier are on the second line and responsible for about as much offense as the first. The aging skeleton of Zach Parise finds itself on the third line and is sporting a career-worst CF% so far this season. J.G. Pageau and Kyle Palmieri, his linemates, don’t do much for offense either. And of course the 4th line for the Islanders is the same as it always is, with Cal Clutterbuck in his 15th year, probably-overpaid Matt Martin and Casey Cizikas the most likely to be seen gooning with this younger, shittier Hawks team tonight.

Like the Hawks, the Islanders are finding themselves under the coaching guise of a first-year NHL coach in Lane Lambert, and the defense is starting to crack under the new style of play. It is no longer the defensively-solid, bore-teams-to-sleep style they were moderately successful at under Trotz’s rule. But having one of the best goaltenders in the league in Sorokin has recently masked some of this for the Islanders. Against Alex Stalock, who can’t even keep himself in his own crease, this game could spell trouble for the Hawks.

Hockey

The regular season continues on after the Hawks so kindly gave us a five-day break from watching their mediocrity. The rest of the NHL has been in full swing, however, and the Hawks are set for opening night in Chicago with a week-long homestand that will next see them taking on two worthy opponents, plus the Kraken, who certainly aren’t playing like they’re worthy.

10/21 vs. Scum

Game Time: 7:30PM CST
TV/Radio:
NBC Sports Chicago / WGN 720
These retro jerseys are so god damn ugly: WIIM

Nothing brings more pain than when the Hawks are mired in mediocrity and Detroit finally seems to be coming out on the other side of the years-long Yzerplan, but this is how Chicago will be opening their season at home. The scum find themselves 2-0-1 so far this season, though it was only by the sheer willpower of their top center Dylan Larkin that they received a point in Monday night’s game against LA after he poked the puck away from Viktor Arvidsson on an empty-net breakaway. The Wings were able to secure their other two wins against New Jersey and Montreal, two dogshit teams at the moment. Although that doesn’t seem very impressive, the Red Wings don’t seem to face a particularly challenging matchup until the Bruins in another week, and grabbing every point you can is the name of the game in the Metro, so overall this team couldn’t have asked for a much better start.

Because we love pouring salt into the word on this fair website, this game will be a stop on the glorified Hawks of Yore Reunion Tour, which starts with the return of Dominik Kubalik to Chicago. Since noted shithead Tyler Bertuzzi is out for 4-6 weeks, Kubalik finds himself on the top line with Dylan Larkin and with three points to his name so far. And yes, that is more points than he had starting off last season with the Hawks. Another notable face, Olli Maatta, who hasn’t been around since the last time the Hawks made the playoffs* in 2020, finds himself on the 2nd d-pairing after signing a one-year contract. Since that contract, he’s had 4 points in three games and everyone seems to be genuinely thrilled by that number. Finally, perhaps you remember young Pius Suter, who was so young and full of promise as a 27-point rookie on the Hawks in 2021? He is hanging on Detroit’s fourth line, where he only has 1 point and is -1, but when you have to drag around dudes like Adam Erne on your line those numbers aren’t surprising.

10/23 vs. Kraken

Game Time: 1:00 PM CT
TV/Radio:
NBC Sports Chicago / WGN 720
Underneath the Bridge, Tarp Has Sprung a Leak:
Kraken Chronicle

The Kraken haven’t looked so good to start things out, though getting domed by both Vegas and Carolina this season is about to become a reality for a lot of teams. Fans of the Kraken continue to be surprised that the expansion didn’t start off as immediately successful as that of the Golden Knights, and we as Hawks fans can look into the mirror and see ourselves in all of Seattle’s problems. Since last season, Kraken fans have been calling for the firing of head coach Dave Hakstol, whose defensive structure is dwarfed in galaxy-brained stupidity only by Coach Vinny del Colliton when he was around these parts. They find themselves at the bottom of the league for xGF/60, which is where they were last season as well, and they can’t seem to generate any offense (color me shocked when you have two ex-Blue Jackets on your top line). The Kraken seem hellbent on tossing their future players into the fire as well, what with their 2022 1st-round draft pick Shane Wright being immediately plopped into the NHL with no minor league development time and relegated to 4th-line bumslaying with fucking Brandon Tanev and Ryan Donato. Sounds pretty soul-crushing, and a little bit familiar, eh Kirby?

10/25 vs. Florida


Game Time: 7:30 PM CT
TV/Radio: NBC Sports Chicago / WGN 720
Please don’t remember me for what I did last night:
Litter Box Cats

Florida returns this season with a 3-1 record, behind only Boston in the division. Everything seemed to be going fine and dandy until the announcement that Aaron Ekblad was added to LTIR a few days ago. I guess LTIR really means “3.5-week IR”, because they target his timetable for return to be sometime around then and they really placed him there to try and finagle their way out of the cap hell they currently find themselves in. Yes, Sergei Bobrovsky’s albatross $10 million/year contract is still in full swing, and in place for three more seasons after this one. Meanwhile, Spencer Knight, the future between the crease for Florida, is about to get a big pay raise next year from $975k to $4.5 million/year. So to say the salary cap increasing in the next few years will be a godsend for the Panthers might be putting it lightly.

In more recent news, it sounds like the Panthers are signing yet another Staal brother. Marc Staal joined the Panthers on a cheap contract in the offseason and now Eric has signed a mirroring deal after Ekblad got placed on IR. I’m not sure what kind of voodoo salary magic they are going to be dealing with once Ekblad returns in a month, but for now it’s possible we’ll see Eric in the lineup Tuesday night. And of course, the D pairings have been shuffled around for Florida and now Gustav Forsling, who we all remember, has recently found himself on the first pairing with Lucas Carlsson. Forsling is also the team’s new workhorse on the backend, averaging more TOI per game (25:38) than all but two players in the NHL. Florida also announced the return of Brandon Montour to the lineup, and that pairing wasn’t so bad last year.

As for the men of four feathers, the biggest news coming out of the week is that Jake McCabe is returning to the lineup tonight against Detroit, which means that Alex Vlasic was sent down to Rockford because who needs to develop young guys up here when you can develop young guys elsewhere? With the underwhelming season McCabe had last year and yet another major surgery he is coming back from, I can only imagine his first few games won’t be pretty. Or all of them. He will be paired up with Amy’s Eldest on the 3rd pairing, as rookie Filip Roos finds himself a healthy scratch because once again, who actually needs development around these parts?

Other than that, it looks like the Hawks are gonna roll out the same lines we’ve been seeing, so expect to see more of the same. Peter Mrazek gets the start in net, and hopefully he doesn’t blow it. A win would be nice but I guess a loss would be more productive. Go Hawks