It’s all a problem. Please listen.

Any hopes of this team feeling any kind of urgency were completely shat upon during today’s media availability, and we’re here to toss more dirt on this waste of a season. And of course, everyone’s favorite bit – John Goes Through The Bears Schedule. Thanks for listening, always and forever.

While the Hawks continue to fart away any chance of being reasonably competitive under coach Jeremy Prinze Jr., we spend the front end of this edition reveling in just how unlikely and fortunate what the Bears did this past weekend was while we save the grave dancing for next week in spite of being in the immediate wake (GET IT?) of another blown lead in a game where Colliton can show literally anything worth salvaging. Give a listen and sip the Kool Aid.

Box Score
Event Summary
Natural Stat Trick
Look, the Tampa Bay Lightning are a far superior team to the Chicago Blackhawks. There is little debate about that. And looking at the box score, it would appear that the Hawks put up a valiant fight despite being hopelessly outgunned even if Kucherov and Stamkos didn’t play. But that would be the incorrect conclusion to draw, and once again a pants shitting was on display from top to bottom given how the game actually played out and the circumstances in the standings surrounding it. In the end, however, water finds its own level and this was yet another shining example of just how far away from being actually competitive the Hawks are, no matter how FUN they were for 10 minutes two months ago.

The Hawks continue to buck the numbers, and we continue to shit all over the results. There’s a peppering of Chicago sports miscellany as well. Get it all after the jump.

In somewhat of a stunner of an announcement this morning, in a joint statement, Jonathan Toews and the Hawks let the public know that he will not be reporting to Magic Training Camp on January 3rd and there is no timetable for his return due to ongoing chronic fatigue that Toews has been experiencing for a while with no clear diagnosis.
In Toews’ own words:
“This offseason, I’ve been experiencing symptoms that have left me feeling drained and lethargic. I am working with doctors so I can better understand my condition.
Until I can get my health back to a place where I feel I can perform at an elite level and help my team, I will not be joining the Blackhawks for training camp. I do not have a timetable for when I will rejoin the team. I am extremely disappointed, but it wouldn’t be fair to myself or my teammates to attempt to play in my current condition
I am grateful for the continuous support from and ongoing communication with the Blackhawks organization. Stan Bowman, Rocky Wirtz, Danny Wirtz, Jeremy Colliton and my teammates have been nothing but understanding of my situation, and I appreciate them standing by me.
To Blackhawks fans, I will continue to do whatever I can to get back on the ice and return to play the game I love for the team I love. I will not be making any further comment at this time and ask everyone to please respect my privacy as I focus on my health and recovery.”
Obviously Toews’ health is the top priority here, especially in the wake of the sincerely scary news of Henrik Lunqvist’s imminent open heart surgery. Hopefully Whatever is ailing Toews is something that can be managed so that he can have a normal life, even if that life is now away from hockey. And on the heels (or wrists) of Kirby Dach’s ostensible season-ending surgery from the broken wrist he sustained in an exhibition match in the International Unpaid Boy Exhibition, the Hawks season seems like a foregone conclusion of being abjectly awful, even if they were long odds if everyone was reasonably healthy. This begs several questions, namely just how long Keith and Garbage Dick are going to endure what is sure to be an incoherent mess on the ice and in the locker room with no Toews to buffer between the players and the incompetent and justifiably outwardly disrespected Jeremy Bevington. And naturally, this will give President Stan even more cover to stay with Beto O’Colliton’s ineptitude despite what may very well end up being the worst record in the league because his top two centers were completely gone.
Either way, it’s time everyone involved strapped in and adjusted expectations, as this situation is rounding the corner from “frustratingly inept” to “Fun Bad” at a breakneck pace, and even if Toews is feeling better by the midpoint of the season, there should be no reason for him to come back early and risk injury and covid exposure. Sit tight and get well.

We cover a lot of bases in this one, none of them good. You know how to procure this. Enjoy.

Well look at that, there’s a Hawks playoff matchup to discuss (kinda). Oh yeah, and plenty of sociopolitical subtext of mass death. But like Cronkite before us, we are the most trusted men in America. Give a listen.

After a week that flattered to deceive with hope but landed with a big, wet thud, Sam, John, and I hash out just what can be done from here for what feels like the 879th time since November of 2018. No subscription required, audio after the jump.

A new week, a new set of grievances. Join us in the holiday cheer, will you? No subscription necessary.